


you’ve got to hide your love away

by SpaceWaffleHouseTM



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cock-pit Sex, Devoted Reylo, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, He’s absolutely besotted, M/M, No Pregnancy, Oral Sex, Post TROS, Post-Canon, Secret Kisses, Secret Relationship, Sex in the Falcon, Sneaking Around, Soft Ben Solo, Tros fix-it, bed sharing, theyre so sickeningly in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22072891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceWaffleHouseTM/pseuds/SpaceWaffleHouseTM
Summary: After returning from Exegol, Ben and Rey realize that he isn’t exactly welcomed by the Resistance in spite of his turn for the light and what he nearly sacrificed for her. Together, they decide it’s best to keep their relationship a secret, opting to sneak around the base behind everyone’s backs and steal every fleeting touch, every half-second kiss, that they possibly can.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, background Finn/Poe Dameron
Comments: 502
Kudos: 1401
Collections: Numerous OTPS Infinite Fandoms, TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Stolen Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t usually listen to the Beatles but this one time I did and oh boy, shit happened, lads.

Her hand is warm in his. It’s the first thing he’d noticed about her the first time they held hands, that her hands are warm like the desert she grew up in. It is warm and soft, and he loves holding it almost as much as he loves holding her. 

He loves moments like these, moments that are quiet, gentle, but fleeting. Ever since they returned from Exegol their relationship has both jumped to light speed and slowed to a grinding halt. All they have is these little tiny fractions of free time in which to explore whatever has blossomed between them—to explore what it means to be a dyad in the force. 

They had agreed to hide their relationship the second they got back. Poe and Finn had taken one look at him, and even though Rey hurriedly explained that he’d saved her life—omitting, of course, the part where she kissed him rather fiercely—and instantly taken a dislike—which wasn’t exactly unearned—to him, one shared by others amongst the Resistance. They’d only had to look at each other to know that the best course of action until the last of the First Order and Palpatine’s Final Order were completely destroyed, was to hide their relationship from the public eye. 

So they have this. 

Right now, he’s holding her hand behind a tree while new recruits run drills for a ground assault. He and Rey are technically supposed to be watching them, but he doesn’t want to. He’s seen what they can do. They can handle themselves, so he’s going to take this moment with his soulmate to look into her eyes, to hold her hand and promise her that someday, he’s going to love her properly. 

One day, he wants to kiss her out in the open in front of everyone. He hasn’t had the chance to kiss her much since the Palpatine incident, and every night the feeling of her lips on his keeps him awake. He thinks about it far more often than he cares to admit, and it makes him blush like a teenager. Sometimes at night, he even brings his fingertips to his lips and touches them for a few seconds, barely able to believe that he’d been lucky enough to experience what it felt like for her to kiss him. 

Sometimes at night, the force connects them, and though one would think that would be prime time for more kissing, he is both too nervous and too tired. Their days are incredibly long still, trying to rebuild a republic is an immense task that wears them all thin, and on top of that, she is the first person he’s ever kissed. He doesn’t know what to do now that she’s kissed him. Does he make the first move now? Does he wait for her? They’ve exchanged a few fleeting kisses since then, but their first kiss has undoubtedly been their longest. 

Ben wants to kiss her again so badly it’s killing him. He wants to shout from the rooftops how much he loves her, because it’s only been a week and a half, but he’s already tired of hiding and sneaking around. One day, he’s going to hold her hand while they walk through the halls of the Resistance base, and people may stare at them, but he’s not going to notice, he’s going to be too busy staring at her. 

For now, though, he thinks it’s worth it just to hold her hand in this fleeting, tiny little window of time where she looks at him like he’s everything to her, and she holds his hand as she looks at him with a warmth in her eyes that could outshine the twin suns of Tatooine. 

One of his hands comes up to caress her cheek, fingers trembling as he wonders if this is going to be the moment, if this is when he’s going to finally have the courage to kiss her again, and he sees her smile—he _feels_ her elation and excitement through their bond. The moment is right, the sounds of the jungle provide a perfect backdrop while the temperature is just cool enough to prevent him from dying of heatstroke, and he really, really wants to kiss her. 

Rey places one of her hands at his waist, causing him to grimace slightly from pain—he won’t let her try force healing his wounds from the fall he endured, he’s too scared of losing her again, and she’s too exhausted to argue—but it sure as hell hurts less than it did last week. The miracle of bacta is truly something, he thinks as she places her hand a little lower, down by his hip, and smiles at him again. “Better?”

He nods, brushing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear before he begins to lean in a little closer. “Better.”

They both giggle after that, moving closer inch by inch as if they’re afraid that if they move too fast, they’ll scare the other off. He wishes she knew he isn’t going anywhere—now that they actually know about their feelings for each other, he’s never leaving her side. Ben is committed to Rey in every way it is possible to be committed to another person—except for maybe marriage, but he doesn’t plan on talking about that with her for a long time. 

“Can I kiss you?” she asks him quietly, and he’s not sure why she asks; she certainly didn’t the first time, but he appreciates it. The tremble in her voice, the raw honesty of what she wants—they’re both incredibly endearing and he wants to bathe in every single second of the love she shows him with that question. 

“Isn’t it my turn to kiss you?” he replies, and a crimson blush spreads across her cheeks because he’s right, but since when should turns matter when it comes to kissing? They don’t matter, but he wants to initiate a kiss with her; he wants her to know what it feels like to be kissed, because he’s seen through their bond that he was the first person she kissed, too. She deserves to know what it feels like to wait for someone to come to her, to hold back from kissing them until they’re within an inch of her lips and she just can’t resist anymore. 

He wants her to feel what he felt when she sat up in his arms, touched his face, and made him feel more alive than he ever had before. 

They begin to lean in properly, both still smiling a bit too much for their own good as they move toward one another, and he thinks _finally,_ he’s going to kiss her again. He feels sheer elation running through his veins, like he’s finally getting everything he’s wanted after so long even though it’s only been a week. 

Of course, they’re supposed to be monitoring the training exercise, and a loud yell from somewhere close by forces them apart as they jump in fright. Well, Rey jumps, Ben’s leg is still recovering from his fall. That’s another thing she’s wanted to heal for him over the past week and a half, but he won’t let her. He doesn’t want to risk her wearing herself too thin and dying all over again—even though at this point the chances of that happening are low. The only thing holding them back from healing one another is their minds, which stubbornly replay their near death experiences on a loop and keep them up at night with horrible dreams. 

Just about every single time he has one, he wakes up alone, and she’s on the other side of the base. Sometimes the force will connect them, but it’s not a frequent enough occurrence for him to feel comfort. 

“We should get back to work,” Rey tells him quietly, but she runs a hand through his hair regardless, holding him close for another moment as her eyes sweep over his face like she’s trying to memorize him. “They’ll catch us.”

His other hand finds its way to her face, and he cradles it in both palms as he looks at her, watching sadness form in her eyes and wishing he could take it away. “Couldn’t we steal ten more seconds? Haven’t we earned that?” 

“We can’t get caught,” she whispers, then she rests a hand over one of his, taking a deep breath as the shouting of their comrades gets closer with every passing second. They’re running out of time, and his chances of getting to kiss her are growing slim. 

Another time, he supposes, he’ll just have to kiss her another time. 

Ben closes his eyes, as if somehow not looking when she walks away will make it easier. Taking in a deep breath, he summons forth his feelings—his every emotion—for her to the surface, letting them take over his mind and body, and giving him the courage to at least leave her with words that feel as good as a real and true kiss. 

Rey has other plans. Before he can open his eyes, a split second passes him by in slow motion, but it’s a beautiful fraction of time he already cherishes; already holds near and dear to his still beating heart. She takes his face into her hands, cradling him the way he is cradling her, and pulls him in close, her lips pressing against his in a tiny, sweet little kiss that makes his head feel dizzy and his knees weak. 

It’s a tiny thing, not even a second long, but it sends his heart pounding and his thoughts reeling, and makes him feel as if he’s seeing fireworks in his vision. He thinks he can even hear the explosions from each one, can see the bright colors and embers, and the smoke trails they leave behind. 

When Rey pulls away, his eyes slowly blink open to find her smiling at him as her warmth retreats. She’s a vision in grey, like the time she’d crossed a galaxy just in the hopes of saving him, and he freezes her like this in his memory, savors the feeling just looking at her brings as she backs away with a spring in her step. “Meet me in my quarters tonight,” she tells him, and begins backing away more quickly as the trainees get closer. 

“When?”

“After sundown! Before curfew!” she shouts back, then she’s out in the field again, yelling orders to their recruits while he watches, still a little love-struck and dazed from their encounter. 

Those feelings he harbors for her—which she knows about to a heavy extent—still linger at the surface as he takes a minute to just watch her, leaning back against the tree they met by as the words he needs to say finally come to him a minute too late. “I love you,” he whispers as she walks away, certain she can’t hear him, but knowing it’s a fact all the same. He is absolutely besotted, so in love with her he can’t remember a time when he wasn’t. 

Ben Solo is in love, and maybe the whole base knows and maybe only he knows, but it is still the truth. He’s absolutely gone for her, and if he didn’t think she’d shy away in fear, he would propose on the spot. Well, he at least would ask her if it’s something she’d ever be interested in. 

He certainly plans to one day. If only time would just stand still and give them a moment to hold one another, to be properly in love and have a real relationship. 

Still, what they have is enough for now. He has her heart, and she has his. Their relationship may be a secret from all other pairs of eyes, but he has more than he ever thought, and he’s honestly happy to even have her for a fleeting moment. 

Rey, he thinks as he rejoins the exercise, helping his partner as best he can with the task they’ve been assigned, is worth all of the stars in their galaxy, and he wants to spend his life painting her constellations on his brain. 

He just hopes that one day they won’t have to hide this from the world forever, he hopes that someday, they’ll be allowed to be honest about their feelings. He hopes that tonight, when he goes to her door, he’ll finally get the chance to kiss her properly, to hold her for hours and not let go. To spend his time not doing anything but moving his lips against hers, dreaming of the day when he won’t have to pretend anymore that he’s been in love since he saw her in a jungle just over a year ago. 

He’s got tonight, and now that he’s free of every evil voice in his head, no one can take his tomorrow. 

  
  



	2. If she’s gone I can’t go on

He’s a trembling, shaky, nervous mess when he goes to her that night. All around him, their fellow soldiers are turning in for the night or going off into meeting rooms to discuss their next missions. Ben, however, is doing neither of those things. Well, sort of. He’s going to Rey’s rooms under the guise—if anyone asks—that he’s discussing tomorrow’s training exercises with her. 

As far as anyone else on the base knows, he has no nefarious purpose. He is definitely not getting kissed tonight and he is definitely not getting kissed by the last Jedi. 

_Fuck,_ he’s about to be kissed isn’t he? Truly, properly kissed, the way his father told him he’d gotten his mother to fall in love with him. He’s going to be kissed like he’d been kissed on Exogol, his breath is going to be stolen from his lungs, and he’s going to see fireworks again, he’s going to have lightning in his veins and his whole body is going to feel alive. 

He nearly shudders while walking at the thought, knowing he needs to get a hold of himself if he’s going to make it to the Millenium Falcon without being asked if he’s okay and arousing suspicion. Pulling himself together, he continues making his way to his father’s bastard ship—where Rey has taken up residence—and somehow manages to get all the way to its on-ramp in one piece. 

It’s truly an impressive feat that he made it there without someone noticing what he was doing. Perhaps the force is with him tonight. 

The force wants him to be kissed. 

An amused snort escapes him at that thought as he boards the Falcon, waiting until he’s actually inside the ship before he calls out for her. “Rey?” he asks softly, his voice carrying through the ships halls as he makes his way towards the captain’s quarters. “Are you home?”

No sound fills his ears, and for a moment he wonders if he’s too late, if she’s gone to bed or perhaps fallen asleep elsewhere, but then he senses mischief through the bond. Rey is definitely here, and thanks to their connection—the fact that they’re one made two—he can practically taste the anticipation in the air. She’s here and she knows he’s here, and she’s probably watching him the way a hunter stalks its prey, but he isn’t about to be devoured. 

He has a feeling he’s about to be pranked. 

“You know I have a bad leg, Rey, if I fell on my ass because you scared me, I could break it again,” he warns her, but there’s a dry sarcasm in his voice that she seems to find absolutely hilarious, for seconds later, peals of laughter sound from behind him as warm arms wrap around his waist—but gently to avoid his broken, healing ribs—and a face burrows itself into his hair. 

“I’d catch you,” she whispers into his ear, then she releases her grip on him just enough for Ben to turn around, and pull her into a proper hug.

His other half fits perfectly into his arms, like they were made to fit only her. Muscles flex around them both as he lifts her from the ground and she holds on for dear life, and he knows they both have the thought—again—that it’s a shame they must hide this from the galaxy. He can’t be bothered to worry about the rest of the world, though when he finally has a moment alone with her. It’s all he’s ever wanted, and now he finally has it. 

Rey buries her face in his neck as he sets her down, and he feels shivers race up and down his spine as he realizes she’s started to pepper feather light kisses there. He can feel her lips pressing ever so gently to his skin, providing tender, comforting touches as she holds him close, and lets him know she’s there. 

Every time they get the chance to embrace, he clings to her perhaps a touch more tightly than he needs to. When he’d crawled out of the pit her grandfather had cast him into on that cursed Sith planet and found her dead, it had nearly broken him. Ever since then, though it hasn’t been that long, he has always taken the time to appreciate her warmth when he touches her—it’s the temperature of someone who is not only alive but _thriving._

He’s done a lot of things wrong in his life, but he can almost start to move on, to forgive himself for some of it, when she reassures him without meaning to that she’s alive. Sometimes it even successfully abates his nightmares. 

Sometimes. 

“I missed you,” Rey tells him, bringing him back to reality as her hands rest on his cheeks, and she tilts his head down so she can look at him, eyes sweeping over his face like she’s trying to memorize every detail. “I’ve been waiting for this for hours, I thought we’d never get time—“

“How much time do we have now?” he asks, interrupting her before she can really get going because he wants to be prepared if they only have minutes. He wants to know how long this tiny little moment is going to last, how long he has to try and initiate a second _real_ kiss. 

“No one checks the bunks at night,” she tells him, then he watches her lips part in a small smile, a blush creeping up her cheeks as her wandering fingers brush a piece of his hair out of his eyes. “You—you c-could stay here, if you wanted to. We could actually spend some—some time together without being interrupted.”

 _That_ nearly makes his heart stop. An entire night by her side? More time together than they’ve had in the last week? It almost seems too good to be true. Maybe it is. He almost can’t process the idea of staying, and it must show on his face, for Rey looks up at him with a sudden fear in her eyes, and he feels her retreat slightly in his arms. 

The sudden loss of her warmth tugs at the part of him that remembers vividly what it was like to hold her body, and he steps with her, holding her in close as fear takes root in his heart as well. He can’t lose her again, even though he knows logically that isn’t what’s happening here, he still cannot lose Rey again. It would hurt too much. 

“Unless you don’t want to,” she says, still seeming like there’s a part of her that’s embarrassed, that wants to run. 

He can’t stand to let her think that there could ever be a part of him that would refuse to spend a night with her, but words are failing him right now. What he should do is tell her that he would absolutely love to spend the night and ask her where they’ll sleep and what she wants to do. What he does instead is something else entirely, but she knows he hasn’t always been the greatest with his words—accidentally calling her _nothing_ when to him she is everything comes to his mind—so he hopes she’ll accept what he chooses to do instead. 

Rather than offering any grand acceptance speech, Ben makes a gesture he thinks will answer all her questions and takes the opportunity that had been stolen from them earlier in the forest. Bringing one hand up to caress her cheek, he begins to lean in a little more quickly than he’d intended to with this, but it’s still slow enough that Rey has enough time to react and realize what is happening. 

Just as his eyes start to close, she uses the grip she already has on his face and tugs herself the remaining distance forward to meet him in the middle—like he’d done in their first kiss—and he feels his eyes finally fall shut as their lips touch, and he melts into her. 

It’s a little clumsy at first, almost awkward and fumbling, but then they find their rhythm, then his mouth moves against hers like he knows it was meant to, and slowly, surely, he learns how to properly kiss her. Their connection certainly helps, the bond allowing him to know what she likes and doesn’t like—she loves when he sucks on her lower lip a little and doesn’t really care for when he uses his teeth—as he deepens the kiss, tilting her head back to allow himself better access as her body presses against his. 

She can’t get enough of him either, it would seem. Even once they’re fully pressed together, she isn’t satisfied completely. It isn’t until she begins walking forward, forcing him to move until his back hits the wall—causing a completely involuntary moan to escape him into the kiss—that he finally feels her sheer delight in the force. 

Rey is smiling into the kiss now, and he can’t help but do the same as he returns it with everything he has. This is what it feels like to truly, properly be kissed, isn’t it? His head is spinning, he can see stars in his vision, and his lungs are screaming for air but he’s so happy, so ecstatic to be here and to have her in his arms, he lets them suffer for a little while longer. He’s been waiting for this kiss for what feels like a lifetime. He’s going to enjoy every second of it. 

Eventually, he pulls back, his lungs just a touch _too_ starved of oxygen to the point where he is no longer enjoying himself, and his head falls back against the wall as he processes what’s just happened. He feels dizzy, like they’ve been doing a waltz around the room for a while, and the room almost seems to be spinning a little. It’s an oddly pleasant feeling, and combined with the fuzzy sort of sensation he’s experiencing in his undoubtedly swollen lips he feels absolutely elated to be experiencing it. 

A tiny laugh escapes them both, then he feels her hand sweep another piece of his hair away, and he sighs. “I thought I was supposed to kiss you this time.”

Her chest is heaving as she looks down, a blush rising to her cheeks as her hands slowly fall down to rest on his chest, as if she too needs to feel his heart beating—needs to feel him being alive. “You still can,” she reminds him gently, and her fingers bunch the fabric of his shirt—a gray one now, not black like everything else he’s worn around her—into her fists. “I’d… I’d really like for you to.”

His entire body feels way too hot, but slowly, he nods, preparing himself mentally for what’s to come—mostly preparing his lungs to suffer in the name of bringing the rest of him joy—as he looks into her eyes and senses through their bond just how badly she wants this. _Okay_ , he tells himself, then he takes the deepest breath his body will allow him to, places a hand tenderly at the back of her neck, and leans in, pressing his lips as gently as he possibly can to hers as she tilts her head to meet him. 

A feeling of being complete fills him as he kisses her, as their lips begin parting and coming together in a slow, steady rhythm. It makes him feel like he has been in two for so long, and now he’s finally whole again. Perhaps that’s just part of being a dyad in the force, but it makes him feel good nonetheless. Every second he spends holding her feels like another precious gift, and he wants to bathe in the sunlight he feels streaming in through their connection— _her_ sunlight. 

Rey has a darkness to her, he knows it and so does she, but there’s also this impossibly brilliant light within her that he thinks could guide him home through the worst of foggy nights. He feels it now more than ever as his arms wrap around her waist, and he pulls her close, as tightly as his still bruised ribs will allow. 

It’s the first time he’s actually made the move to kiss her, and now he understands what she has gotten to experience twice now. He finds himself slightly jealous, but he can’t be too angry about it, because at the end of the day he’s got her in his arms, and they’re sharing their third proper kiss, letting it grow more intense as she presses him into the wall. Her nails rake gently against his scalp as she smiles against his lips, and returns it with everything she’s got. 

Maybe not everything, actually. There’s a part of them both that he can sense holding back—the part that lets his blood rush south beneath the waistband of his trousers—and he can’t help but think about it as her tongue sweeps along the line of his lower lip. They’ve only just started kissing, just started exploring _anything_ within the bounds of this relationship they’ve started, let alone any sort of thing like… It’s too soon to be having thoughts like that, but he knows that when the time comes, he wants it to be her, he wants to experience the whole, heart-stopping thing with Rey and no one else. 

Of course, right when he starts thinking about the possibility of one day taking her to bed, his lungs begin protesting the lack of oxygen he’s putting them through, and he slowly pulls away from her again, feeling even more dazed than he did the last time. His eyes slowly flutter open, wanting to glimpse her flushed cheeks as soon as he possibly can. 

Instantly, he’s rewarded by her dimples and warmth as she places a hand on his cheek, and seems to just breathe in for a few seconds. “Perfect,” she tells him, thumb stroking his cheek as she leans forward, and presses one last kiss—one so light he almost doesn’t even realize she’s there—to his lips. 

A grin breaks out on his face, then one of his hands comes up to take one of hers—the one still lying on his chest—and his next intake of breath occurs in the form of a yawn before he can say anything sweet to her. Both of them laugh when he’s done, and he can feel his face growing hot as he realizes, embarrassingly enough, that he’s quite exhausted. As Rey yawns almost involuntarily, he squeezes her hand. “Can we lie down for a few minutes?”

“You promise you’ll stay with me?”

“Okay,” he says, and he’s nervous about that, but it means more time with her; more time to hold her and actually love her away from the watching eyes of their Resistance comrades. 

Using the hand that’s twined with his, Rey tugs him toward the captain’s quarters, a room he knows all too well from many nights spent hiding from bad dreams with his parents. Odds are, it’s also where he was conceived, but he doesn’t need to be thinking about that right now. What he wants to be thinking about is how in about thirty seconds, he’s going to get the chance to hold her for the first time. 

Sure, he’d held her on Exogol, but for half of that, she’d been dead and lifeless, staring blankly ahead with unseeing eyes. He doesn’t want to remember the first time he held her—except for how it ended, he’s perfectly content with that—he wants to remember every time after, when she’s warm and alive and smiling. When her body is pressed up against his, he wants to feel that rise and fall of her chest that made him feel alive when he’d healed her—wants to feel her in their bond. 

She opens the door to the captain’s quarters, and though he’s known this ship his entire life, it has never felt more inviting. The bed at the far end of the room looks slept in, but the sheets are only wrinkled on one side. His whole body shivers as he realizes that after tonight, the whole thing will be mussed. It actually brings a smile to his face as he begins to remove his boots, setting them down by the door as Rey does the same, then she leads him over to the bed, and they sit down together. 

The moment he’s seated comfortably on the mattress, she leans forward, and wraps an arm around his neck, placing a short, sweet kiss over his pulse point as she then pulls him down onto the mattress with her. He’s not sure if she’s got a good memory or if she’s using the bond, but she keeps mindful of his bad side, pulling him down so that he’s facing the room, and she’s facing him as they bring their feet up onto the bed with them. Another smile blossoms on her face as she looks at his, shifting to press a kiss to the tip of his nose before she turns around, and lets him wrap his arms around her waist. 

Ben prays she can’t feel how his heart rate accelerates as he pulls her body back against his, as he buries his face in her neck, breathing her in as one of his legs wedges it’s way between hers, and her foot hooks around his calf to hold him in place. Finding this position feels effortless, and instantly he’s taken by how warm this feels. He finds that he’s a little obsessed with her warmth, something about it just reminds him again how alive she is, how he’d done a good thing for once in his life. She reminds him every day that he’s done more good than just saving her, he’s more than he knows. 

He wonders what he is to her. Aside from the other half of their dyad, what does he mean to her? Thinking back to earlier, when he’d whispered those three little words as she walked away, he wonders if she does the same thing, if she whispers “I love you,” as he walks away because she, like him, is too scared to say it out loud yet. 

“Are you feeling all right?” she asks him softly, one of her hands covering the one he’s resting on her upper abdominal muscles, just over the left side of her rib cage. “This isn’t hurting you, is it?”

The corners of his mouth twitch. “No, this feels—this feels wonderful,” he breathes, arms flexing to hold her a bit more tightly against him for a second before he lets go, and places a kiss to the base of her neck. “ _You_ feel wonderful.”

Through the bond, he can sense both mild embarrassment and elation coming from her, and it almost makes him laugh again as he continues pressing kisses along the base of her neck until he reaches her shoulder. Each kiss is tiny and impossibly tender, the galaxy’s sweetest brush of lips against skin as he lets her know with actions as well as words how happy he is just to lie here with her. Rey squeezes his hand, a soft moan escaping her as his kisses come back to the column of her throat, growing lazier and more sleepy by the minute. “You feel wonderful, too,” she whispers, turning her head just enough so that he has access to her mouth, and he adjusts himself accordingly, leaning forward so he can capture her lips with his one last time as exhaustion takes over them both. 

This kiss is a kiss goodnight. It is a temporary farewell, a “see you in the morning,” that makes him feel giddy to realize she will be there when he wakes up, that she’ll be in his arms, and even though he’ll immediately have to make a run for his bunk, he feels better than he’s felt in a long time. He wonders if the feelings he gets when kissing her will ever go away, but even as he pulls back, even as he looks into her eyes again, he can tell it never will. He’s going to be old and gray and she’s still going to light a fire in him that he never wants to snuff out. 

“Goodnight, Ben,” she whispers to him, and he can’t resist leaning forward to press another kiss to her neck in response. 

“Goodnight, Rey,” he replies, then he remembers what he’d wanted to whisper to her earlier, what he’s known in his heart to be true since almost the minute he saw her. Is this a good moment to tell her? To say it quietly just as they’re falling asleep? He can feel it bubbling within him, threatening to burst forth from his lungs more forcefully than he means to, and so he summons forth his courage, he takes in a deep breath, and—

She snores softly in front of him, and the energy that's built up inside his body begins to dissipate. Already, Rey has fallen asleep, and the realization of this makes a serene, fuzzy feeling flow through him. He presses another kiss to the back of her neck, and sighs, deciding that even though she can’t hear him, he is going to say it anyway. “ _I love you_ ,” he whispers again, but she snores on. 

Still, it gives him the sense of safety he needs to let his eyes drift shut, and allow himself to join her in the land of dreams. It takes him longer than it took her, but with that fresh confession of love in the air and off his chest, he slowly sinks into a deep sleep, and dreams of a day when he’ll get to kiss her wherever and whenever he wants to. 

_When he’ll get to love her openly._


	3. Vital Signs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have some slight angst in this one but it’s mild 🙌

For the first time in at least a decade, he’s at peace when he wakes. His whole body is shrouded in warmth, and he feels this fuzzy sort of feeling emanating from his heart that brings a smile to his face as his arms flex around the woman they’re holding. Rey fits perfectly against him, too. Her back melds against his front like they’re two parts of a broken sculpture. 

A true dyad. One made two. 

The thought makes him sigh contentedly as he presses another kiss to her neck, finding that he rather enjoys taking every chance he can to kiss her as he takes stock of where exactly everything is. 

Right now, his feet are tangled up with hers to a point where he can’t tell where she ends and he begins. Her ass is pressed right up against where he knows he’ll probably have an erection soon enough if she doesn’t move, but he doesn’t worry about that too much, right now, he’s only focused on the hand resting over the center of her chest. Beneath it, he can feel her heart beating, and that realization makes him pause, makes him feel a renewed sense of calm as he feels it beneath his skin. 

Rey’s heart beat is stronger than ever, and it brings him a peace he’s never quite known before as he lets his palm spread out properly. A part of his hand is now touching the swell of either of her breasts, a fact which would ordinarily lead to incredible amounts of blushing, but he doesn’t care. Right now, he’s focused solely on her life signs, on that heartbeat, on her signature in the force, on the rise and fall of her chest. 

These were all things he hadn’t felt when he’d held her upon crawling out of the pit on Exogol. The moment he’d felt her soul pass on while he was still midway through his climb to the top had nearly broken him; only the potentially misguided prayer that he might be able to heal her the way she’d healed him had gotten his injured, defeated body through the remainder of the climb. Those thirty seconds where he’d staggered toward her had been the worst of his life. The uncertainty and fear he’d felt as he’d looked upon those unseeing, dead eyes, as he’d felt how  _ cold  _ she’d become, when his only memory of her had been warmth before, and he’d looked down at her in his arms and known without question that she was well and truly gone had created a wound in his heart that would take a long time to heal. 

He is haunted by visions of Rey’s dead body more often than he cares to admit, and so he blinks a single tear from his eyes as he feels her heart continue to beat beneath his palm. The tear makes its way from his eyes onto her pillow, into her hair, and it vanishes somewhere in the layers of those things, but another soon follows, and before he knows it, his eyes are thoroughly wet, and he is holding her more closely against him than ever, needing that extra bit of insurance that she’s really alive. 

Slowly, he times his breathing with hers, letting it even out as he closes his eyes, blocking off more tears from coming. It’s a sad picture, he thinks, but it’s slowly becoming happier.  _ He  _ is slowly becoming happier, because in spite of how terrible the memory is, it’s in the past, and she’s in his arms now. Yes, they have to hide the love they share from the world, but it is infinitely better than what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been able to save her after his climb. 

He has her in his life, and for that, at least, he is grateful. 

Reburying his face in her hair, he knows he can’t wait to tell her those words he’s attempted to say twice now. Life is so short, so precious, so fleeting, and just in case one of the skirmishes with First Order remnants goes sideways, he needs her to hear it so that if one of them is left to go on without the other, they can still recall the knowledge of what the other felt for them, or at least can die knowing the other heard they were loved. He knows she knows he loves her, but he hasn’t had the chance to say it yet, and he knows beyond all doubt that he has to. 

Rey stirs in his arms, and Ben quickly wipes the remaining tears on his face onto the pillow as he senses her come into wakefulness, yawning softly as he then senses her eyes opening. “Good morning,” she whispers, then he feels a hand covering the one he has over her chest. “You feel nice.”

A soft hum escapes him as he breathes her in again, then he goes limp against the mattress, tension he hadn’t even realized was there leaving him just because he heard her voice. “So do you,” he replies, then he hums again. “You’re warm.”

He can feel her grin through the bond as she slowly turns over in the sheets, and his hands are now splayed out on her back as she leans forward to press a kiss to his jaw. “You’re warm, too.”

_ Fuck _ , now he never wants to leave. All he wants now is to stay in this bed all day with her and not even move, barely even kiss, he just wants to hold her, to continue their recovery from the insanity they went through not even two weeks ago. He wants them to have the chance to stop being heroes or legends for a second, and just get a minute to breathe. Could they do that? Run away and be happy somewhere? Just breathe together?

No, they can’t. He still has so much he wants to atone for and she is loyal as all can be, and neither of them can truly leave. Not yet. There is still work to be done, a galaxy to put together, and a war to completely shut down. They have to wait just a little while longer. Once all of this is fully over, they can finally begin a proper life together as they were meant to, and he will wait forever until he gets the chance to see that day if he must. 

“We don’t have a lot of time,” he says instead, aware that the sun will soon be rising over the jungle they call home, commencing the start of the day for the entire base. 

The mood of the entire room shifts with her, and she clings to him a little more tightly, one of her hands grasping at the fabric of his shirt as she tries to pretend, like him, that they’ve got forever in this bed. “I know.” She presses another kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Just hold me for a little while longer.”

His breathing shudders as he starts to rub circles into the ridges of her spine. That’s something he can do for ages—hold her. It’s all he wants to do, but they both know they’ve got minutes now. “When can I see you again after this?”

A small chuckle escapes her. “If you can avoid being noticed again you can come here every night,” she tells him, then another kiss is pressed to his lips, one which he returns as his hand cups her jaw, and he tilts her head back ever so slightly to allow it to become a proper kiss. 

More warmth floods the space between them as their lips begin to move against one another, their rhythm found instantly as their grip tightens, and again he can’t tell where he ends and she begins. The kiss causes the usual sparks, but each time they feel different, they feel new again, and he gets another reminder that they’re both  _ alive.  _

A soft moan escapes him as she pulls him over her, rolling onto her back as her nails drag gently against his scalp. His body covered hers as her other arm wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer as if somehow by deepening this kiss as much as possible, they’d be able to delay the inevitable. Slowly but surely, it continues to grow intense, his free hand drifting up her waist, accidentally dragging up her shirt as he tries to bring it up to join the other in caressing her cheeks. 

Through the bond, he can feel both of their heart rates accelerating. They’re equally aware of what they’re doing, what it can lead to, and what it means. Every moment that passes it grows in intensity, and he’s starting to actually think about what’s going to happen. He has no idea what he’s doing. He barely knows how to kiss her, and he’s positive that he isn’t doing as good at that as he thinks he is. 

She seems to enjoy it, though, and it makes him wonder if she’d enjoy other things, too. All he knows right now is that this feels nice, peaceful, and sweeter than anything he’d felt in ages before this. For now, this is enough, they can worry about going further later, but it is a conversation they need to have. If they’re going to be together every night, they need to set boundaries, make sure they’re both comfortable. 

Before it can intensify further, one of Rey’s hands comes down to rest on his waist, but it presses down a little too hard on his bruised ribs, and he can’t help the sharp gasp of pain he feels as he pulls away, needing a moment to breathe through it as it passes through him. Concern washes over her and into him through their connection, and he looks into her eyes apologetically, sorry that he’d cut off their kiss before it could continue. 

She doesn’t say anything even though she senses his apology in the force, but he gets the feeling that she thinks he has nothing to apologize for as she moves her hand up, letting it rest on his upper back as she gives him a kind smile. Both of them laugh softly, then he swallows his nerves, finding he can breathe normally again after only a few seconds of recovery. His injuries must be getting better, he thinks as he leans in to kiss her again, resuming the heated but also very relaxed kisses they’d been engaging in since they woke up. 

Maybe if his injuries are actually getting better, he can—

Before he can finish that thought, he hears a loud banging from outside, and suddenly he breaks away from her, realizing that people are moving about the base now, the morning has started, he’s inside the Falcon wearing the same clothes he wore last night. He’s tangled up in the last Jedi’s bed, her hands in his hair, freshly kissed and undoubtedly looking like a mess. 

This is the end of their time together, for now. He knows this instantly, and so does she, he can see it in her eyes as she sweeps aside a piece of his hair, and gives him a nod. “Go, I’ll see you at the meeting, okay?” 

Ben gives her a solemn grin, then he presses his forehead against hers, and prepares to say those little words out loud to her. “I lo—“

More banging ensues, and he groans as he rolls off of her, just wanting more than anything to get the chance to tell her he fucking loves her, but he needs to wait for the right moment. Maybe tonight, before they go to bed, before they even kiss, he can tell her, and he’ll finally get the chance to see the look on her face when she hears what they both already know to be true. 

They are two halves of the same soul, if they didn’t love each other, the universe would fall apart. At least, that’s what he thinks—it’s what he feels would happen. 

He looks back at her one last time as he opens the door to her quarters, and she gives him a knowing grin as he leaves, shutting the door behind him as he lets her have her privacy while she gets ready for the day, and he makes his way from the Falcon. Outside, he can hear voices and machinery clanging about as the base comes to life, and for once it makes him sad to hear everyone, to hear vital signs. He’d been having such a good morning and even now there’s a part of him that just wants to run back there and kiss her again and tell her he loves her, but he knows he can’t. He has to get ready for the day, he has to go meet with Poe because that’s what his life is these days, figuring out military strategies. 

It’s dull and tedious, but if he wants to be open about his relationship with Rey, he has to finish what his mother started. Once the war is over, maybe then everyone will be more understanding—after he’s proven himself  _ again _ to have done something good. All he has is hope, but he’ll cling to it with everything he’s got, because the woman he left behind in the captain’s quarters is worth fighting a thousand wars that are far more brutal than this one. 

Of course, this one isn’t going to let him forget what’s happened to him anytime soon. This morning, the pain of his injuries aches a little more, and he knows with his first couple of steps that this is going to be one of his bad days. Sighing, he knows he’s going to have to go back to the med bay and and ask for some kind of cane to help him walk because right now he’s limping pathetically and his ribs ache with every breath. Most days, he can handle it, but his spare bacta patches are in his bunk and they can only do so much. 

Apparently he has to make a pit stop at his bunk before he does anything else. 

Walking out of the Falcon, he can see a few people gathered around, but as the ramp lowers and he descends, he finds it’s not as many people as he was expecting. He’d been thinking that there would be a crowd of dozens, but mostly it’s just a few mechanics working on x-wings. A tiny grin parts his lips. Maybe he’ll be able to escape his father’s ship without notice—maybe he’ll be able to go on with his day and not have to deal with questions about why he’d spent the night not in his bunk. 

Before he can get that lucky, though, a familiar voice calls out his name. “ _ Ben!” _ shouts the voice of Poe Dameron, and he freezes mid-limp. 

His good foot lands awkwardly as he turns around, laying a hand over his still bruised ribs in the hopes that the clear indication that he’s in pain will get him left alone. “What?”

The General is beaming at him as he approaches, one of those thousand watt smiles that could make the most reserved of the old Jedi blush, but it fades quickly as he remembers who he’s giving that smile to, and he clears his throat. “Sun’s almost up, what are you doing in the Falcon?” he asks, scratching the back of his head as he looks back at the ship. “Rey usually tries to sleep in.”

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  _

His gaze follows Poe’s to the Falcon, and he hopes that he isn’t looking at it with too much longing in his gaze as he remembers warm hands, a beating heart, and a kiss that set his soul on fire. “She…” He shakes his head. “We’ve both been waking up at odd hours of the night since Exegol. We’ve been talking about the nightmares, she’s been making sure my recovery has gone well.”

“Right, right… you’ve got this weird—“ Poe gesticulates with his hands, looking uncomfortable with every word he’s saying. “I don’t know—friendship thing going on. You befriended her, right? When you saved her life?”

He almost laughs. It’s actually sort of funny, the idea that Rey is just an acquaintance, when she’s his entire world, his entire universe. She is everything to him, his sunlight against the shadow of the dark. She is the other half of his soul, their dyad, and she’s his soulmate through both their will and that of the force. She is so much more than what Poe thinks she is. “Yeah, we’re—we’re friends.”

The other man blinks at this, seemingly bewildered by it, then he shakes his head. “I’ve got to be honest with you, I still don’t know if I trust you, but you did save her life, so… if she’s decided that you’re worth her friendship—“  _ and her love— “ _ Then so be it.”

“Great.”

The General clears his throat awkwardly, then steps back, placing his hands on his hips as he looks at the ground. “Great,” he repeats, then he meets Ben’s eyes. “Now I saw you limping a second ago—“

“It’s nothing,” he replies, the lie born out of an incredibly old habit of hiding his pain from the master he’d served most of his life. Taking in a deep breath, he decides to offer Poe the truth. They’ll accept him faster if he’s honest and they know they can trust him. “I was just heading to my quarters to retrieve bacta patches.”

“Good plan, I’ll postpone the meeting a few minutes.” He then moves to walk away, but seems to decide against it, freezing awkwardly as he points at Ben. “I—uh, look, I know—never mind, do you need help getting to your bunk?”

Surprise floods him as he struggles not to let his jaw drop at the general’s shockingly kind offer. He doesn’t want to take it, he distrusts Poe as much as Poe distrusts him, but this is one of those days where he really, truly is hurting, and in spite of their feelings toward each other, he knows he needs to accept the help. 

Slowly, begrudgingly, but surely, he gives his comrade a nod, and the man in front of him moves to his bad side, taking Ben’s arm around his shoulders before they begin moving together, walking back to the bunk that was definitely not slept in last night in silence. It’s not much, but he likes to think it’s a small step toward repairing all he’d broken. At the bare minimum, he knows he can be trusted enough for this, and that means one day he can be trusted not to hurt anyone on the base—most importantly, he can be trusted not to hurt Rey by the general public. That means that the idea of them being happy together—out in the open, just like Poe and Finn have been as of late—isn’t so far fetched or far away at all. 

His happy ending, his chance to say, “I love you,” is all in the near future, he’s just got to wait a little while longer. He just hopes he won’t have to wait too long. 

At least he has tonight—another chance to hold her and show her what he feels for her, to  _ tell  _ her so many things she undoubtedly knows but he still hasn’t said. He’s lucky for that, and as Poe helps him limp back to his bunk, he can’t fight the smile on his face. 


	4. Everywhere People Stare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me a minute, I’ve been working on a fic for an exchange I’m in 😅 it’s taken a lot of my time. But I got this done so 🙌 not a complete loss. 
> 
> It’s also barely edited so 🙌

The sun is setting when he heads back into the hangar later, limping in with the assistance of the cane the base’s lead doctor had provided him with. It makes him feel at least twice his age, but it eases the pain of walking some, especially given that the bacta is failing his leg today. 

He has better things to worry about than his injuries at the hands of Palpatine, though, much better things, like the setting sun and the woman he’s on his way to meet in a brief rendezvous before his next meeting. Orange light filters in through the open entrance, coloring everything with a soft, peachy hue that makes it almost glow, even the people. He isn’t focused on them, though, he’s been worrying about them all day in his various work with Poe and Finn, and his thoughts have been on the girl currently doing maintenance to the Resistance’s most famous ship, using a wrench on an old bolt of one of its support beams as sweat beads on her forehead. 

She’s still striking like this, even when she’s not supposed to be. Right now, Rey is a sweaty, hot mess, and yet in a room full of people, he still only wants to look at her. He knows he shouldn’t, and so he pries his eyes away as he approaches the ship, but he’s still thinking about the increasing shine on her forehead and the quiet grunts he can hear leaving her mouth as he approaches. 

He forces himself to look elsewhere, staring over at where Rose and Jannah are hunched by a nearby hologram showing a map of the galaxy, both women whispering quietly to themselves as they plot out some sort of strategy. Over the past week, they’ve been distant with him—not to the extent of distrust Poe sometimes displays, but still distant—but they’re kind. At the end of the day, he knows the former of the two cares most about saving the things she loves rather than fighting what she hates, and Jannah, like him, is force sensitive to some degree. They can both sense the other’s emotions, and that, of course, helps keep things tempered. Besides, she’s too busy bonding with the woman at her side to notice him half the time. She does call him Ben when she addresses him, though, so he supposes there’s that. 

After what feels like an eternity, he reaches the Falcon, and when she finally looks at her again, the sunlight hitting the edges of her eyes makes her irises light up in a way that steals his breath, and he leans against a support beam to catch it. She has color in her cheeks as she sets down her tools, and brushes off her hands as she approaches him. “What brings you here, Solo?” she asks, attempting to keep her voice casual as they both become aware that a few eyes have landed on them. 

Eyes watch him everywhere, no one trusts him, and it’s sad, but he understands. It doesn’t affect what he came here to do, it just means he needs to do it quietly. “It’s almost nighttime,” he says, almost forgetting what he meant to say as he becomes enraptured by her eyes. They are a brilliant array of color in this light, and he loves to watch the rays dance in the shades of her irises. 

“So it is,” she says, stepping closer as she watches him lean on both the support beam and the cane he has for his leg. Concern fills her gaze, making him remember he didn’t have a cane when he left her in the Falcon that morning.  _ Shit.  _ “Did something happen? Are you all right?” She looks like she wants to reach out for him, but then thinks better of it, and instead, straightens her posture so that the conversation looks more formal in spite of the worry he can sense in the bond. “Did it get worse?”

It feels worse, but he won’t tell her that, she’ll just ask him to let her heal the wound, and he’s terrified of what will happen if she does. He gave her almost all of his life force to heal her, and if she tries to heal him and something goes wrong, he’ll never forgive himself. No one else will ever forgive him either, and his life’s best deed will be rendered obsolete, so he has to resort to difficult methods. “I’m fine, Rey,” he tells her, wanting nothing more than to reach out, and softly stroke the skin of her cheek with the back of his hands, but knowing he can’t with all the eyes around them. “It just makes it easier to walk.”

There’s something sad in her gaze, and in spite of himself, he leans a little closer, looking into her eyes in hopes that she understands that he really is okay, he is going to be fine and he will heal completely one day. This isn’t forever, he will walk normally again one day. Her breath catches in her throat as she watches him, and he can’t help feeling a sense of pride at her reaction. 

After a moment, she seems to gather herself, and she shakes her head at him as a breathy laugh escapes her, and she looks around them. “You have got to stop looking at me like that,” she breathes. 

A tiny rush of air escapes his parted lips. “Like what?”

She tilts her head to the side, gesturing to all the people around them, some of which are still staring at them off and on before whispering quietly to one another. It occurs to him that they’re about to become the subject of much of the base’s gossip, but he doesn’t care. They can blame his gaze on delirium induced by his injuries. People will believe it. 

Eventually, Rey gives him a great sigh, and again her hand twitches as if she wants to reach out and touch him. “Like… like you’re in love with me.”

_ I am in love with you,  _ he thinks, and he knows, somehow, she has understood the meaning of his thoughts. Rey smiles at him, blushing as she looks down, pretending to tinker with bits of the wrench as he feels emotions begin to wash over the tether between them from her end. A surge of delight rushes through them as he feels it, as he knows without a doubt that the feeling he has for her is returned. It still isn’t spoken into words, but it is at the bare minimum known. 

Rey does love him, but he still wants her to hear it. Can he get away with it here? With all these eyes watching? 

Before he can get the words out, her grin widens, then she straightens up as she takes another step toward him. “Meet me on the roof tonight. There’s a ladder on the northern side of the building. I hear the stars are beautiful here.”

Unable to resist flirting with her a little more, Ben leans against his cane so that he can move closer to her, no longer caring about the eyes watching them. As long as they don’t touch, people can just assume it’s a friendly conversation, and he likes to think the Resistance tolerates him enough now for that at least. “I’m sure they are,” he says, his gaze never leaving hers, then he leans back, and begins to walk away. 

“You’re a bastard, Ben Solo.”

“I’ll have you know I was conceived in wedlock,” he replies sarcastically, then as she scoffs, he turns around with a dopey grin on his face, and it doesn’t fade until long after he leaves. 

*

That night, he steps onto the roof of their jungle base with his cane in hand and his leg aching in protest from the climb. The bacta is helping a little, bit he knows it’s not enough, he knows he needs the injury to heal completely, or he’ll just be in pain damn near constantly. He can’t tell Rey that, though, he can’t have her knowing how miserable he is or she’ll just try to heal him through the force. 

She’s just gotten her life back, he can’t watch it be taken from her so soon. He can’t risk it. 

When he gets to the center of the roof, he spots her lying on a dark colored blanket over by the eastern side, her hair is fanned out around her and loose, not in its usual three buns. The sight of it makes his heart stop, and for a moment, Ben is utterly entranced. This is the woman he’s lucky enough to be in love with, the one person he’s lucky enough to have love him back. It’s impossible and yet… it’s his reality. 

He approaches her silently, not wanting to disturb the peaceful state she’s in, but she senses him coming nonetheless. When her eyes meet his, he laughs at himself; he should’ve known that was coming, Rey had been expecting him, and when people were bound as they were? That tended to have some effects. 

“You made it,” she breathes, sounding thoroughly relieved to see him on the roof with her. “I was worried the ladder would give you pause.”

He laughs as he comes upon the blanket, then he sets himself down beside her as quickly as his injured leg will allow, and soon he’s covered in the same blanket that’s covering her, both of them staring up at the stars as she shifts closer to him. Ben wraps his arms around her with little effort, scooping her up against his side as she lays an arm over his waist, fingers grasping delicately at his wounded side as she rests her head on his shoulder, assuming the position that feels most natural for them to be in. 

For a few seconds, he closes his eyes, sighing contentedly as he just basks in the glow that is her presence, then he blinks them open, wanting to see those stars that she’d promised him were so incredible. Up above, they’re an extraordinary haze of lights, twinkling down on him, Rey, and anyone else fortunate enough to capture this night in their field of vision, and he finds himself enraptured by the constellations—by the swirling, brilliant galaxies. 

“Wow,” he breathes, then he tears himself away from the sky, and looks down at Rey. “It’s beautiful.”

“I told you it would be,” she tells him, then she groans as she shifts her hand, allowing it to rest over the center of his broad chest. Apparently she shares his love for feeling his partner’s beating heart. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” He begins lazily running a finger up and down the length of her upper arm, occasionally tracing the shapes of circles and diamonds as he goes. Without realizing it, he’s drawing an invisible sky on her arm. “Every minute we have is so—“

“Precious? Fleeting?” She shakes her head, then grasps at the fabric of his shirt, sighing as she looks up at the brilliant haze of galactic light again. “Oddly terrifying, but perfect all the same?”

Worry furrows his brow at that third word. “Terrifying?”

Through the bond, he can feel her cheeks flush even if he can’t see it, and he feels her press herself against him a little more closely. “I’ve never felt like this. I think about you when you’re not there, I picture kissing you when we’re in meetings, I can barely fight the urge sometimes to take your hand in front of the entire base, and—“ She takes a deep breath. “I’m not a romantic, Ben.”

“You don’t have to be,” he promises her. “You have a heart, and for some reason, you decided to let me into it.”

“We are bound in the force.”

“Rey, for me, falling in love with you was the best choice I ever got to make,” he tells her, remembering how the feeling started, remembering how it felt when he looked at her for the first time without the use of his mask, and the affirmation of that feeling he got just days later when she’d touched his hand. “You don’t have to know a thing about love.”

“It’s scary,” she breathes.

He hums his initial response, then he leans forward, and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I know. I’m scared, too. We’ll learn how it works together, yeah?”

Rey relaxes against him, and his entire heart melts as she tilts her head, and presses a kiss to the base of his neck. “Yeah.”

If ever there was a time to say those words he’s been trying to say for the past day? This would be it. At least, assuming his nerves don’t get the best of him first.  _ Fuck  _ nerves, though, she needs to hear this. After all the time he knows she’s spent looking for a family, looking for someone to love her, she needs to know for sure that someone does. 

“Rey?” he asks gently, then she tilts her head up, and he smiles as he sees the stars reflected in her hazel irises. 

“Hmm?”

“I… I just wanted—“  _ Say it, you coward. _ “I love you.” There, he’s done it, blunt, straightforward, and simple. She cannot possibly mistake his meaning nor it’s sincerity given she can feel the love for her that he’s projecting into their bond. “I-I love you, Rey.”

The hand that had previously been resting on his chest comes up to caress his cheek, and he watches delightedly as the corners of her mouth tug up until she is positively  _ beaming  _ at him. It becomes clear to him in that moment that she undoubtedly knew precisely how he feels about her, and she’s just been waiting patiently for him to say it. Planting another kiss a little higher on his neck, she gives him a small laugh. “I love you, too.”

The laugh he gives in response is genuine and deep, it shakes them both as she shifts in his arms, moving up so that she can look down upon his face. It gives him the privilege of staring up at hers, of watching her cast against the backdrop of all the stars in the sky, which glow in her hair like a little halo as the hand on his cheek makes its way into his hair. As her fingers burrow themselves in the confines of his black waves, she gives him a smile that could outshine every single star illuminating her silhouette. 

“How long do you want to stay up here?” she asks, then she leans a little closer. “If we’re caught sneaking back to the Falcon too late people will become suspicious.”

“They’re already suspicious.”

“Yes, because you—“ she taps his nose with her forefinger. “Can’t keep your emotions out of your eyes.”

“Neither can you. If they look closely, I think the entire base can tell you’re in love with me.”

Another laugh leaves them both, then she shrugs. “It’s a warm night. We could just… stay.”

His eyebrows shoot toward his hairline. “Stay? Out here?”

“There are no storms coming in either. We could just stay here a while and not go back.”

“Won’t someone notice if you never return to the Falcon?”

“They don’t notice if you never return to your quarters?”

“A fair point,” he says, then he tightens his arms around her as she leans her forehead against his, and both of them shut their eyes at the bliss brought about by the contact. “We’ll stay.”

“All night?” Rey asks, as if somehow he’d going to say no to her, and they’ll have to scramble back inside the second it’s midnight. 

“All night,” he confirms, then he reaches up, and begins stroking her hair with one hand, breathing in deep as he closes his eyes, feeling that peace that always accompanies being with her wash over him as they melt into one another, and their bond  _ sings  _ with life. “I’m never going to leave you, you know that, right?”

“Not by choice.”

“Stop it,” he whispers, then his hand caresses the base of her skull, and his other one comes up to splay out over her back. “Rey, we’re—we’re a part of each other. It would take the galaxy itself collapsing to separate us now.”

“It would, wouldn’t it?”

He nods slightly, then he breathes out as casually as he can. “We are going to be fine, I promise you. As long as those stars keep shining, I will be with you.”

“And I with you,” she whispers, then he feels her fingers form a fist in the fabric of his shirt. “You almost lost me.”

“I did.”

“You’ll never lose me again. I vow it, too.” She nods slowly as she says it, pulling back from him just enough to look him in the eyes for a few seconds as she does so. “But maybe you’ll let me heal these injuries?”

All he has to do is give her a knowing look, and she giggles as she rests her forehead against his once more, then she leans forward, and presses a kiss to his lips. He can’t help smiling against her lips as he returns it, her bottom lip finding its way between his as the kiss deepens, and they find themselves fitting perfectly together. 

His entire body feels alive, but he knows that soon, beneath the stars and surrounded by the humidity and warmth of the jungle, they will both fall into an unconscious state, and for the second night in a row, they will sleep together. The thought warms his heart as he kisses her, as he envisions her splayed out amongst the stars, surrounded by galaxies as their kisses grow deeper, but never too intense. They’re always calm and serene, just like the two of them tend to be these days. 

Once upon a time, they were different, they were volatile and angry and violent, and though it wasn’t that long ago it feels like a lifetime. The people they were are so different from the people they are that it’s a staggering difference sometimes, but there’s one thing Kylo Ren had been right about—the past needed to die. Maybe it didn’t need to be killed as he said, but it needed to stay in the past so that they could grow and become new people like they were meant to be. 

So that they can look on into the future, into a world without war, and finally learn how to be who they’d always been destined to be. 


	5. Head in Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How woefully unedited this is, I cannot say, but it is very very unedited aside from maybe typos. 
> 
> Many apologies.

Dawn comes over the roof of the resistance base far before he is ready, but oddly enough, when his eyes begin to flutter open with the arrival of the sun’s first rays, Ben finds he doesn’t mind it. The morning’s arrival is peaceful, and given that the day before he’d woken up prior to the shine of daylight, he finds he’s quick to accept it. 

Especially when it means he’s woken up with the warmth of Rey’s body presses against his. He can feel her against his back, warming him there as the sun warms the front half of his body, her arm slung around his waist as if at some point she needed him even closer to her than he’d already been when they’d fallen asleep the night before. The realization pulls a chuckle from him as he leans into the touch, living for all the little things it makes him feel. 

He keeps finding new ways to fall more deeply in love with her and it astounds him every time. How does she do it? How does she make it so that his every thought is consumed by her? How does she make him feel warm even through the coldest night? 

It’s likely he’s never going to fully understand these things, but he knows from the stories he’s been told and books he’s read that the love of two people—let alone two people bound in the force—is one of the most powerful things known to the galaxy. He knows it is a thing of light, born of the purest of energies, and he is so incredibly lucky even if he has to keep it a secret. 

The only reason he wants to tell anyone anyway is so that he can kiss her beneath the falcon even when there are people around. 

The arm slung over his waist ends in a hand resting firmly over his abdomen, her palm splayed out over his shirt as his hand covers hers, and he can’t help but smile as he squeezes her hand, pressing her warmth against his bad side, not caring if it hurts. What surprises him in doing that, though, is that it doesn’t. Where just hours ago his broken ribs would’ve made him cry out in protest there is only a peaceful, tender touch. 

It should hurt. It doesn’t, and his eyes snap open as he realizes what that means. 

She’s healed him. Somehow, whether she meant to or not, Rey gave some of her life force to heal him, and that could mean she’s in danger. It could mean that she is about to lose her life the same way he’d nearly lost his. 

The realization jolts him into full wakefulness, and he squeezes her hand again, feeling her pulse beneath his palm—it’s strong, not weak. He’d thought it would be gone, that in healing him she might fade away, but she’s still there. He can even feel her breathing against his back as her chest rises and falls, can feel the air leaving her nose with every breath she takes. Rey is even snoring a little bit. She’s very much alive, but he knows what force healing can do to someone—what it can do to them. He nearly died saving her—it had been a battle with mostly his own soul to stay alive and fight to keep holding her—and he worries now that even though she seems healthy, that she will soon be gone. 

The wounds from Exegol are still so new and fresh that he feels their pain more sharply than ever, and so he sits up abruptly, turning around to look at Rey’s still sleeping face. For the first time in weeks, sitting up doesn’t make him grit his teeth in pain. He actually feels good, like he could run for miles, and he knows that’s because of her. 

_ Damn it, Rey,  _ he thinks. He’d told her not to do this, not to put her life at risk by healing him. He can see her now in his arms as she was on Exegol, her dead, unseeing eyes, the cold of her body, and the unsettling realization that he’d never hear her call him Ben again. 

Still, he doesn’t know how much time has passed or how long she’s been sleeping safely beside him. She could actually be fine, but he needs to be sure. 

Feeling guilty, Ben reaches over and places a hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently as he whispers her name. “Rey,” he whispers. “Rey, wake up.”

A tiny hum leaves her, and he feels her fist bury itself in his shirt as she sleepily tries to pull him closer. The corners of his mouth twitch involuntarily at the sight, finding it rather endearing much like a lot of things she does, then he shakes her again. “Rey…”

“No,” she says, then he has to fight back laughter as she tugs on his shirt, and he finds himself covering half of her body with his as she pulls him on top of her, then her arms wrap around his shoulders. “We still have time.”

A kiss is pressed to his neck, and if it weren’t for the emergency he feels is at hand, he would enjoy the way he can feel his blood rushing due South, but he can’t. He needs to be sure she’s okay. Once Rey has a clean bill of health, she can kiss him anywhere she wants. Still, he waits a couple of seconds, letting Rey kiss him a little higher on his neck before he pulls back, and then there’s sadness in his eyes as he looks down at her. “Rey, why did you heal me?”

“What?” she asks sleepily, her eyebrows furrowing as she looks him up and down, her hands coming up from his shoulders to caress his cheeks. Her breathing grows just a touch quicker as she closes her eyes, and suddenly he feels her at the edges of his mind, he feels her all over his body even where she isn’t physically touching him. “Ben…”

“Why?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t do this consciously,” she assures him, then she shakes her head as she opens her eyes, and brushes a piece of hair out of his. “I think it happened while we were sleeping.”

Ben shivers as she tilts his head down, then presses a soft kiss to his forehead. “I—look I still think you should see someone in the med bay, just to be sure everything’s okay.”

“What are they going to be able to do about something caused by the force, Ben?” she asks, then she watches as he pulls back. “I feel perfectly fine. I’m good.”

This time, he’s the one who closes his eyes, reaching out into their bond to look over her. It reminds him of when he healed her, but this time he’s not putting any life force into Rey or putting together broken pieces. He is simply looking over her, checking to make sure everything is normal. 

On the surface, everything seems fine, and even sweeping deeper, he finds that Rey is perfectly healthy. No harm seems to have come to her from what she’d done to him that night, but panic still seizes him anyway as he is again assaulted by his own mind. He is helpless against the onslaught of images of her on Exegol, how it felt to hold her limp and cold body in his arms, and how he’d felt her die as he was climbing up out of the pit to save her. 

He remembers that in the form of a cruel and intrusive flashback, and suddenly even seeing the evidence with his own eyes isn’t enough. His breathing quickens, and even though Rey is right there, perfectly healthy, and smiling at him, he feels as though the other shoe is about to drop and everything is going to fall to shit. 

“Ben?” Rey asks, then she takes one of his hands, and places it on her chest, allowing him to feel her heart beating beneath his palm, another beautiful sign of life that he’d nearly forgotten to search for. “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. I am fine. You are fine. I’ll go to the med bay if it puts your mind at ease, but I promise you, I’m fine.”

He breathes in deeply, letting himself get lost in her heart beat for a few more seconds before he nods. “I’ll go with you.”

“Don’t, people will see us together and know,” she says, then she sighs. “One day, I promise you they’ll understand, but today isn’t that day.”

Sadness fills him as that realization sinks in. Sometimes he thinks he’s okay with hiding their love from the world, and sometimes he really isn’t. It can pass in a matter of minutes, and while he always knows she’s worth it, sometimes he really just wants to shout it to the world. This is one of those moments. 

“Hey, I’ll talk to Poe today, okay? I’ll ask him how he’s feeling about you now that you’ve been here for a minute,” she tells him, her fingers stroking his hair as she speaks. “I don’t think it’ll do much, but maybe he’ll start coming around.”

“I don’t think he hates me.”

“No?”

“No, but he doesn’t like me enough to not hate me again after he learns that we’re together.”

“He’ll have to deal with it when the time comes, then. So will the whole base.”

“They’re who I’m worried about the most. They’ll think we’re just with each other because I—“

“I know,” she whispers, then she pulls him into an embrace, her ankle hooking around the back of his as she tugs him close, and his hand slips up from the center of her chest in the process. It is now covering almost the entirety of her left breast, and a blush quickly colors his cheeks as he realizes what he’s doing. 

Breath shuddering in his chest, Ben shifts his hand over, trying his hardest not to touch her like that when he knows the sun is rising and they need to get up again soon—

Rey moves his hand back, and his brain short circuits. His breathing becomes no more stable as he buries his face into her neck, her hair soft against his skin as he wonders what she wants from him here. “Are you sure?”

Her chest heaves on her next breath, and she moves his hand again, holding it beside their slightly tangled bodies as she laces their fingers together, then she nods. “We don’t have time right now, but someday… when we do have time? There isn’t much I wouldn’t do with you.”

Laughter tumbled deep in his chest as he moves back, looking into her eyes again as sunlight began to shine down upon the two of them. “I could think of a few things we shouldn’t do, together or apart.”

Rey returns his laughter, then she shakes her head. “We need to get moving. I need to visit the med-bay, and now that you’re healed, you should go help Rose and Jannah repairing all those x-wings.”

A groan escapes his lips as he rolls off of her, muttering quietly—but sarcastically—to himself about how he wishes she’d never healed him. In truth, since she isn’t harmed by it, it’s something he’s perfectly okay with.

Especially because it means now they can take their relationship to new heights. Before now, they’d had to hold something back even when they were so much as cuddling because if she touched him the wrong way it could cause him agony. Now they don’t have to worry about that. 

The prospect of this is a frightening but exciting thing all the same, and as he pushes himself up off the ground without pain, he finds he looks forward to climbing to the ground without his cane. working all day with Rose and Jannah, and coming to the Falcon at night to hold his other half when it’s all over. 

He starts making his way over to the ladder, but when she doesn’t join him, he frowns. “You coming?”

She shakes her head. “We can’t be seen together, remember? They’ll know everything. I’ll leave in five minutes.” 

A sad look fills his eyes, and he knows instantly through the emotional shift in their bond that she feels his sorrow in remembering all over again that they have to hide this thing—this beautiful connection between them—away and act like they are acquaintances. Taking in a deep breath, Ben walks back toward her, takes her hand in his, and kisses her knuckles ever so gently before he leans forward, and kisses her lips. 

Rey kisses with a tenderness he’s never been shown by anyone before, and though the kiss is short, he can tell through touch alone—without even needing to  _ touch  _ the bond—that she’s promising him he’ll be okay.  _ They  _ will be okay. She tells him that they’ll get their chance, that they will be able to love openly one day. 

This isn’t forever, but it also isn’t going to be over in a split second. He just needs to tap into that old Jedi training and remember patience. 

“I’ll see you later?” he asks quietly. 

“Not if I see you first,” she replies, then he gives her a broad smile, and begins to back away slowly. He needs to get to the hangar before Rose and Jannah do so no one can suspect him of having been anywhere else before him. 

So no one knows he spent the night in the arms of the last Jedi. 


	6. Clean Bill of Health

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! I upped the chapter count and the rating because this definitely has more to go and Uh I don’t think it’s gonna stay m rated but we’ll see

After stopping by his bunk to change his clothes, Ben gets to the hangar before anyone else does. By the time Rose and Jannah come in, he’s already started repairs on the x-wing closest to the Falcon, tapping into every bit of knowledge he’d learnt from his father as he fixes a piece of the wing. When the two women get there, he’s developed a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead—mostly from fastening one crucial bolt into the wing—and he leans back against the body of the ship as they approach, laughter echoing from both of them. 

Nerves fill his body as they approach, and though he knows that neither of them hate him, things are still tense. He doesn’t know them well, and Rey isn’t here to hold his hand and tell him it’ll be okay; she isn’t even here through the bond. As usual, he can sense her, but he feels her at a background level, and right now, that’s not enough. 

Especially when he sees both Rose and Jannah’s faces fall when they approach him. The smiles and laughter quickly die down as they get close to the x-wing, and he feels his hand shake a little as he finishes fastening the next bolt. “Good morning,” he says, somewhat awkwardly because he doesn’t know what to say, but someone has to break the silence that’s forming before it can take root and sprout life. 

Rose gives a small laugh of disbelief. “Good morning,” she replies, then she crosses her arms over her chest. “I thought you were injured.”

Blinking a few times, he gives her a nod. “I was.”

“Some recovery,” Jannah observes, then she and Rose look at each other. “Broken ribs and a broken leg, you’re already good as new.”

He had to admit, even with the amount of bacta he’d been treated with, his recovery was suspicious. No one would believe it, but maybe he could be a little honest. They could know that he’d had help in the healing process without knowing about who he was sneaking around with, couldn’t they? “Rey helped me,” he admits, finishing his work on one bolt before he pauses, and lays his hand on the lower half of the wing. “I, uh… helped her with the Falcon. This was a… a ‘thank you.’”

“A ‘thank you?’” Jannah asks, then she looks down at herself, almost speculatively, but quickly shakes her head. “That’s one way to thank a person. I’ll have to ask her for a favor next time I nick myself with a hammer. Or teach me how to do that to myself.”

She and Rose then burst into laughter, but he doesn’t find it funny. He still doesn’t know if Rey is perfectly healthy yet, and the memory of her cold, lifeless body is still remarkably fresh in his mind. Involuntarily, his lip quivers as he picks up the next bolt, and works on wrenching it into the ship, ignoring the conversation the two women pick up about the force and its healing properties. 

Right now, the last thing he wants to think about is the act that had nearly cost them both _everything._

“Ben?” Rose asks, interrupting his thoughts. 

His eyebrows shoot up toward his hairline as she captures his attention, forcing him to realize how distracted he’s been. “What?”

She looks up at him curiously for a couple of seconds, as if somehow by looking into his eyes she can read his mind. They haven’t spent much time together, but he likes to think she trusts him at least a little. This newest development, though, makes him think that maybe she might be starting to dislike him again. Then she shakes her head, and gives him a small smile he can’t decipher the meaning of. “Nothing. I–we could really use your help, so I’m… glad you’re here.”

“Thanks,” he replies, then he shifts nervously, tossing the wrench he’s holding up in the air and catching it. “We should get to work.”

“Yeah, yeah good point,” Rose says, then she taps Jannah’s arm. “Come on, we can get started on the other wing. Poe got burn marks on it last week and you know how he is about the paint job.”

“Don’t remind me.” Then the two women walk around to the far side of the x-wing, leaving Ben alone to his thoughts for a while as he hopes that Rey’s all right. 

*

Throughout the day, he keeps looking over to the Falcon for signs of Rey, searching for her between the bolts he’s working on. Occasionally, he makes conversation with Rose and Jannah, the two women seeming to slowly warm up to him. He likes to think that maybe they can start small when they’re out and telling people they’re in a relationship, maybe they can tell people like those two, then Finn, Poe, and then slowly they can start holding hands in public to not alarm people. 

Not that anyone should be alarmed, but he wants to enjoy being with her in public. If it becomes a hassle because people can’t handle it, he doesn’t want to risk it. 

Eventually, he senses her again in the bond, but this time she’s close by, and a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he looks at the door to the hangar, straddling the nose of the ship as his hands grip the edge for support. She walks in a few seconds later, the white of her tunic catching on the breeze as she sweeps a piece of hair behind her ear, the rest of it flowing gently behind her as she walks toward the Falcon, waving to a group of people as her name is called. 

The tools in his hands are forgotten as he watches her walk in, a smile on her face as she looks about the room, searching for something as she makes her way toward the Falcon—searching for _him._ He closes his eyes for a split second as he sends a wave of reassurance over their bond, and when he opens them, she’s looking at him, and that smile grows a little wider. She echoes that reassurance across their connection, and he feels as if his hand is being held even though it isn’t. 

A blush creeps up his cheeks as he feels something else slip into the connection, love with an undercurrent of something resembling arousal, and Ben laughs to himself as Rey walks past him into the Falcon, giving him a tiny wink as she moves. 

“Something funny, Ben?” Jannah asks from somewhere below, where she’s working on the landing gear. 

Blinking, he snaps out of his trance, fighting back the blush on his face as he looks at her, but knowing he’s failing. Both she and Rose are looking at him curiously now, and it’s all he can do to keep from falling off of the x-wing’s nose in embarrassment. “Nothing,” he replies, then his head turns back in the Falcon’s direction, looking anywhere but at the two women working on the ship with him. 

Rey is still standing beneath the Falcon, now carrying on an enthusiastic conversation with Chewie, looking up at him with that smile still plastered on his face. Seeing her like that makes his heart do things in his chest that can’t possibly be healthy, and he thinks of all the books he’s ever read where every single thing a loved one does is seen as magical, and he knows those books were right. Some part of him ignites with joy just by seeing and sensing her happiness, and it makes him feel like the characters in those books, like he might melt into the ship he’s repairing. 

“Base to Ben?” Rose calls out a few seconds later, and his head snaps back in their direction to find her staring at him from the upper wing of the ship with a knowing look on her face. _Shit,_ had he been too obvious without realizing it? Is he so bad at keeping a secret that he doesn’t even have to be near her to give everything away?

“What?”

Rose looks at him the same way Jannah did a few seconds ago, then she shakes her head. “Nothing, just… when you’re done fastening that nose piece, climb down and help us with the next ship. And if you think you’ll be able to focus, we’re helping Rey with the Falcon’s hyperdrive after lunch.”

Blinking in disbelief, Ben watches her climb down from the body of the ship, and share a giggle with Jannah before the two women move forward, and head over to the next ship. It takes him a few more seconds to shake himself from his stupor, then he finishes fastening the nose, and climbs down from the x-wing with little grace. He’s still getting used to how his body moves again after not using so much of it for so long, and maybe one day he’ll be as capable of motion as he once was, but this is not that day. 

The next ship is a little further from the Falcon, but offers him a better view of Rey, which probably isn’t a great thing for his ability to focus, but he loves the chance to see her nonetheless. The two women he’s been working with all morning seem to be smirking at him as he approaches, and the taller of the two flicks her gaze between him and the Falcon, making him aware that at the very least, they’re suspicious. 

“Jannah, you repair the wing flaps on the port side, I’ll take starboard. Ben? There’s a couple of faulty switches in the cockpit, I can show you how to rewire them if you don’t already know.”

Another flush colors his cheeks, and he runs his hand through his hair sheepishly as he shakes his head. “I can’t say I do.”

Rose glances back at Jannah. “Don’t wait up for me, okay?”

“I never do,” the other woman replies, then both of them share a laugh as Ben is led toward the cockpit. 

An x-wing’s interior is not really a two person space. At least, not the way he and Rose need it to be. They’re lucky that she’s so much smaller than he is, but if she were anywhere close to his height, this would be an enormous pain in the ass. 

Once they’re settled in the cockpit as, comfortably as they can be—but his thigh, arm, and hip are still pressed very tightly against hers—Rose begins explaining what things are as she removes the covering on the instrument panel, and shows Ben what wires need to go where and what needs to be replaced entirely. Some wires cross over each other, some go straight, and some cannot touch no matter what, leading to a massive confusion in his brain, but she’s a good teacher. He thinks he’s got _some_ grasp on this shit at least. 

“That should be it,” Rose says, clapping her hands together once she’s finished giving him the rundown. “Any questions?”

“No, um, thank you for teaching me,” he replies, then he leans forward, preparing to commence his work, but he’s stopped when Rose lays a hand on his arm. Confused, he looks back at her, lips parting slightly as he prepares to ask her why she hasn’t left yet. He’s perfectly capable of doing this on his own?

“You’re terrible at keeping secrets, aren’t you?” Rose asks, eyes flickering between his as he feels his heart start racing in his chest. He reaches out for Rey in the bond, just trying to enjoy the feeling of sensing her near. It’s all he can do to continue breathing evenly, to keep himself calm as he realizes their friend may have just figured it out. “I mean, I’ve been watching you for maybe twenty minutes since Rey’s been back in the hangar, and you can’t take your eyes off of her.”

“It’s not what it looks like—“

“You like her, don’t you?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest. “As more than just an acquaintance?”

“I don’t—“

“Ben, I don’t care. I just think it’s funny,” Rose admits, then she leans against her side of the x-wing. “But there’s a lot of people on this base who _do_ care. Just… you need to try and hide it better than you are. Especially around—I don’t know, Finn?—he’s protective of her. He—he might give you a hard time, and if he gives you a hard time, Poe will, too.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say, or even how to respond. Does he deny it? Does he pretend that he doesn’t love Rey? That he doesn’t spend his every waking hour thinking about her and hoping for the day he’ll be able to hold her hand around the base? That she is quite literally a piece of his soul? How can he lie about that when he’s being confronted with it head on like this? 

The decision is a surprisingly easy one, and he nods to Rose. “I’m trying,” he says, because she doesn’t need to know that they’re already sneaking around, that Rey returns his feelings, that they’d told each other, “I love you,” last night. That can stay between him and her. No one else is entitled to knowing it but them. 

A kind smile is given to him, then she sighs. “I know we don’t really know each other, but I’ve always believed that there’s good in people, even the ones we least suspect. I think your feelings for her are a good thing. It shows that anyone can love, that love can flourish, even if it’s with someone the world says it shouldn’t be with.”

“Is that you giving me your approval?”

“It’s…” Rose shrugs, then she laughs again. “It’s me saying that love is love, and no matter who you are and where you’ve been, you should experience it. We win wars not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love. You saved Rey. That’s how you won.” She pats his shoulder once, then she stands up, and begins to climb out of the cockpit. “We’ll talk later. Right now, we need to repair this ship so we can help your girlfriend with the Falcon.”

“She’s not—“

Rose quirks an eyebrow, and Ben flushes all over again as she climbs away, leaving him alone in the cockpit. Muttering quietly to himself, he gets to work, repairing the x-wing to the best of his ability as conversations fill his ears from below. 

*

By the time they’ve finished with the x-wing, he’s exhausted, and he joins Rose and Jannah happily in the commissary, the three of them barely making conversation as they eat far too quickly for their own good. He’d once heard that if one ate too quickly they’d just throw everything back up, but right now, he can’t bring himself to care. 

The food on the Resistance base isn’t great, but right now it’s the best he’s ever tasted. He’s incredibly grateful for that food, and for once, he feels he has nothing to complain about. 

Until he does. 

“Rey!” Jannah shouts, interrupting the silence, which Rose does as well shortly thereafter. 

Almost immediately, he turns around, looking over his shoulder as he watches Rey come into the commissary, her hair half up in one little bun as she rolls up the sleeves of the mechanic’s jumpsuit she’s now wearing. Unlike the one he’s borrowed, hers isn’t covered in grease stains yet, but it still suits her anyway. His heart stops in his chest as she waves at their friends, then she offers him a tiny smile as she approaches. 

The tables of the commissary are currently set up four seats to a table with two on each side. Rose and Jannah, of course, took the two on the side opposite him, leaving one empty next to him. He’s going to die right now, he can feel it in his bones. This is the minute he fucking dies. 

“Hey,” Rey says as she sits down beside him, setting down her tray before she reaches for her fork, and immediately begins to take bites out of her food, clearly as starved as he is after all they’d been doing that morning. Her other hand, he can’t help but notice, falls into the space between them, and rests on her lap just inches from his. 

Ben’s breath catches as he takes sight of that hand, finding himself more tempted than ever to take it as she greets their friends with a mouth full of food. “How have things been?”

“It’s been good,” Jannah replies, taking a sip of water as she glances at Rose. “Got a lot done, we were moving fast.”

“We probably could’ve moved faster,” Rose whispers, then another giggle is shared between the two women as her arm is smacked lightly, and they both look knowingly at Ben. “But alas…”

Rey luckily remains oblivious. “What slowed you down?”

Both women raise their eyebrows, then Jannah shrugs. “Ben’s inexperienced.”

Rose nearly snorts the water she’s just taken a sip of out of her nose as she laughs, having to look away to keep from spraying the room as she calms herself down. The momentary distraction of their dining partners allows Ben a chance to look at Rey, eyes wandering up and down her entire body as he peeks at that jumpsuit she’s wearing. He can’t deny that he’s rather into the way it looks on her. It isn’t tight or form fitting, but something about it… _suits_ her. 

And then there’s her hand, just sitting there in her lap, turning over slowly so that her palm faces the ceiling, and he realizes that she wants him to take it. His breath hitches, but Rose and Jannah are still distracted, and so he feels safe to take this opportunity, and slip his hand down into his lap before he shifts his forearm so that his hand hovers over hers. 

“How’s your day been?” he asks, then he lowers his voice. “Everything okay?”

She nods as she lets her hand come up that extra half inch, and her fingers lace with his as she confirms that she’s fine, that everything he’d been worried about was all for nothing. “Clean bill of health,” she tells him, then she squeezes his hand, and glances back at their dining companions. “I’m fine, and so are you. I think… I think we should put the injuries behind us and start enjoying ourselves, hmm?”

“I like that plan,” he says, feeling more tempted than ever to cup her cheek and pull her into a kiss in front of the entire base. Of course, the last of his restraint has just kicked in, and he turns away just before he can start leaning in, but as he faces forward again, he catches Rose’s eye, and as she winks, he knows he isn’t as slick as he thinks he is. 

Letting go of her hand, he and Rey go back to pretending that they don’t mean everything to each other, and they’re just casual acquaintances. They aren’t a great love that feels like it was written in the stars, to the rest of the world, they’re just Ben and Rey because they have to be. 

It’s moments like these where he really misses his father, where he wishes he had someone to turn to to talk about this situation he’s in, to ask for advice on how the hell to do this whole relationship thing. How does he pass all the obstacles he’s facing? What is he supposed to do to show his affections? When does he ask for her hand in marriage? How does he know when they’ll be ready to take things further physically? 

In spite of all their problems and how things had ended, Han had been the parent who’d taught him most about life’s various lessons, and though he knows a little of love from their conversations, there is still so much he doesn’t know. 

He doesn’t know how to hide how strongly he feels from the world, and he wishes he had someone to help, but both of his parents are gone. All he has now is Rey and the friendships he’s slowly building, and though he knows it’s going to be more difficult to get through this stage in his life without his family to help him, he’s going to make it through just fine. What he has with her, what he’s building with them, it’s strong enough to get him through what lies ahead, and now that he and Rey are both physically healthy again, he knows they’re ready to face it. 


	7. Hiding Eyes

The afternoon goes by too quickly, but also at a pace that feels like it creeps by. There’s a war between how fast time goes whenever he’s around Rey, and how slow it passes whenever he’s not allowed to touch her. Together, they’re holed up by the ship’s bow, or what he thinks looks like a bow, he’s never been sure exactly what counts as the very front end of the Falcon. All he knows is the two of them are on ladders nearby one another, working on fixing some of the paneling near the cockpit window. This would be a prime time to just flirt with her and steal little kisses and touches, but Poe is working with Rose, Jannah, and Finn nearby. 

He can’t sneak in any little touches or gestures of affection no matter how badly he wants to. Not without getting caught by one of the others. The other four are working on the ship’s hyperdrive, and while Ben probably knows that better than anyone, Poe had just given him a look when he’d offered to help fix it and said he’d prefer to have Finn on his team. 

It’s clear that he still doesn’t trust him, but there’s not much Ben can do about that. He’s not sure there’s much he wants to do anyway. Where they’ve left him, with Rey, though he’s clearly meant to be babysat, under close watch, and completely ignoring her while they work, he’s completely fine with it. 

It means that occasionally, he can just watch her as he takes a break from nailing a new piece of metal to the Falcon’s hard surface. Like right now, the sun is setting, and he can see orange light shining off the sheen of sweat on Rey’s face, illuminating her as she wipes the sweat and a strand of hair out of her eyes before she goes right back to drilling in the bolt she’s been working on for the last thirty seconds. 

“Hot up there?” he asks, not really meaning anything particularly cheeky by it, but still curious all the same. 

She laughs as she looks down at him, eyes looking around the room to see if anyone’s nearby before she leans toward him, looking him up and down before she nods to herself. “Hotter down there, I think.”

A blush colors his cheeks, then he climbs up, and making sure that no one is looking at them, he begins to subtly nudge his hand toward hers, his breathing a little uneven as he reaches out, and tries to touch her. She looks hesitant, though, like she wants to take his hand but she’s afraid to, afraid of what will happen when she does. “Come on, it’s okay.”

“They’ll see,” she whispers, eyes flicking over to where the others are not visible, but can be heard around the corner working on the other parts of the ship. “We can’t.”

Looking up at her with sad eyes, he knows she’s right, but he still brushes his fingers against hers for half a second anyway, relieved when he feels her index finger press against his. It’s just the touch of two fingers, but it’s still a delight all the same. 

At least, it’s a delight for about two seconds. Somehow, they’ve managed to be distracted for just long enough to not notice one of their comrades coming around to their side of the ship. He didn’t hear any footsteps or voices, and neither did she apparently, for they both nearly fall off the ladders when a voice does interrupt them, throwing them both off guard as it shouts from below. “Everything okay up there?” Poe asks from below, and Ben pulls his hand away from her so fast it’s like he’s been burned. 

“Fine,” Ben replies, then he looks down at the General. “Why do you ask?”

The other man’s eyes flicker between him and Rey, and though they’re at somewhat of a distance from each other, Ben can see his hand reaching out for hers reflected in his eyes. He saw something, he knows or at least suspects, and that makes his heart race. That feeling of anxiety is only worsened when Poe summons him his way with a wiggle of one finger, and he knows he has to descend the ladder and leave the woman he loves behind. “Come here, I want to talk to you for a second.”

_ Oh, he is so fucked.  _

Swallowing nervously, Ben nods, then he begins his climb down the ladder, trying to stop his hands from shaking as he descends, then he jumps to the ground after reaching the last rung, and makes his way toward Poe. 

“What’s going on?” he asks on his approach, hoping he doesn’t look as guilty and caught as he feels. 

Brows furrowing, Poe puts his hands on his hips. “Look, I really came over here to ask if you could help with the hyperdrive, but…” His eyes briefly glance back over to Rey. “Then I noticed something weird, and I want to be able to trust you, Ben, but if—”

“What do you mean, something weird?”

Breathing in deeply, the General looked down at the ground before meeting Ben’s eyes. “I just mean—you—I—I saw you with Rey. I saw you touching her hand, and it looked—I don’t know, weird.”

“Weird?”

“Look, I’m still trying to accept the fact that you’re Ben now, I’m… It’s difficult, but I’m trying, but if you pull some shit with her—”

Shaking his head, Ben scoffs. “I’m not—”

“Just don’t, is all I’m saying. None of us need to deal with it right now,” Poe tells him, then he steps back. “I trust you a little, but not enough to start that kind of shit with one of my men.”

“I’m one of your men,” Ben protests, feeling almost a little hurt that he’s still being accused of belonging to the other side, the side he’s fought so hard to try and leave behind. 

“I—” Poe runs a hand through his hair, then he steps back. “You know what I meant. Just… don’t.”

There’s a choice Ben has to make here, where he could both come after Poe and call him out, risking everything he’s built here thus far, or he could try and be civil, keeping his peace with him by just nodding and continuing on, waiting to touch Rey again until they’re alone together. He knows what he’d rather have, he knows it’s pointless to fight someone who’s almost as stubborn as him. Two weeks ago, he would’ve tried to fight him on this, but now, with all he’s lost and nearly lost? He’s just too tired. 

“Fine,” Ben says, then he steps back. “Do you still need my help with the hyperdrive?”

Relief crosses Poe’s face, then he nods. “Yeah, I just can’t quite figure out this one bit and Rose has tried her best, but Finn and Jannah barely know shit. You probably know this ship better than anyone, and I need to accept that, so…”

“Yeah, I’ll come take a look at it, I just need to let Rey know I’m—”

“No, I’ll let her know, you go ahead, we’ve got a lot of work to do and not a lot of time before the Falcon’s next flight.”

It takes all of his strength not to look back at Rey forlornly as he nods, then moves past Poe, making his way toward where the others are working as he worries about whether or not he’ll ever be able to touch her, even if it’s just the brush of their fingertips, again. 

*

Hours later when the sun has set and the base has started to head in for the night, Ben quietly makes his way back to the Falcon, having stopped briefly by his quarters to change into one of those sweaters he knows she loves so much. With every corner he rounds, he’s extra cautious to make sure that he isn’t being seen by a member of the resistance who isn’t Rose Tico. If she catches him, he’s probably fine, or even Jannah, really, but if anyone else does? If they notice him? 

He’s pretty sure he’s fucked if he’s caught by anyone but those two people, and a part of him is wondering if it’s even worth it to come out tonight. Should he just wait until the force connects them in his bunk? Should he reach out to her now and let her know he won’t make it?   


No, he has to go, he’s been needing to feel that warmth he loves so much all day; needing to talk to her and hold her after the last conversation they’d gotten the chance to have alone. They’d parted ways that morning not knowing for sure if she was okay, and even though he knows she is, he still just wants to wrap his arms around her waist and never let go. 

Determination setting in, he heads for the Falcon, creeping along as if he’s some kind of spy as he makes his way through the base until he reaches the hangar. Once there, he’s extra careful as he creeps his way in toward his father’s famed ship, somehow managing to avoid getting caught as he makes his way up the still downed on-ramp before he heads deep into the ship’s interior.

“Rey?” he calls out softly, making his way toward the captain’s quarters as he reaches out into the force to find her. She may be hiding somewhere in an attempt to scare him again, which is something he finds very charming, but in moments like these where he just wants to hold her, he wants to find her waiting for him in her bunk.

Luckily, when he gets there, she’s waiting for them with her head propped up on her arm, watching him as he opens the door and steps inside, closing it quietly as if someone will hear him. “Took you long enough,” she teases, then she sits up, preparing to say something else, but he crosses the room in two strides, moving so quickly everything becomes a blur before he bends down, takes her face in his hands, and kisses her firmly enough that he thinks their lips might bruise. 

After that first contact, he backs off a little, but he’s still so desperate that as he sits down beside her, still maintaining the kiss, lips parting and coming together in time with hers, he can’t help but wrap his arms around her, holding her as tightly against him as he can without causing her harm. Every touch feels magnetic, as if he can’t help but be pulled in toward her, and it’s a pull he doesn’t ever consider fighting. If the way she wraps her arms around his waist is any indicator, she can feel it, too. 

In all these hours, in all this time that has passed since this morning, she’s been as desperate for him as he’s been for her. They have both needed each other, both wanted one another so severely, that they are currently holding on as if they will never let go, holding on so tightly it almost hurts them both, but they can’t have it any other way, not yet. They need to release this tension first, they need to get past these first few kisses and unleash all that pent up tension, all those stolen moments they could’ve had, and let go. 

Neediness rising high within him, Ben adjusts himself on the mattress, leaning into her touch as she suddenly begins to move back toward the mattress, pulling him down with her—on top of her—as she holds his lips to hers. They’ve barely broken for air, and he can feel his lungs protesting the lack of oxygen, but he knows that they’ll pull apart when they’re ready. 

Right now, they still need each other, and as he settles on top of her, as she snakes a leg around his, hooking her ankle around his calf as her hands continue to burrow in his sweater. Somehow, though he hadn’t thought there was any space left between them, it pulls them closer, and he finally breaks away from her mouth to breathe, feeling as though his lungs are burning as he presses his forehead against hers, and both of them pant harder than they ever have before. 

Taking in a few deep breaths, helpless laughter passes over his lips as his hands sweep her hair from her face, stroking it gently as he tries to get his thoughts together—tries to get his brain to form words. “Hi,” he breathes, finding it’s the only thing he’s capable of saying as he holds her close. 

“Hi,” she replies, then they both giggle again, his lips briefly meeting hers in a tiny kiss that has her moaning softly into his mouth before he pulls away. “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”

“So have I, you have no idea—”

“I wanted to kiss you earlier when you touched my hand, but then Poe—”

“I know, he almost caught us,” he replies, then he pulls back, wanting to see the colors dance in her eyes as he speaks. “I should’ve been more careful, I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head, pulling him back down to her again so that she can kiss his cheek before pressing their foreheads together once more. “Don’t be, it was worth it to touch you, even for a moment.”

A shiver runs down his spine at those words, then his breath leaves him in a rush of air. “He all but told me to stay away from you, romantically. I—He wouldn’t even let me deny it, but I don’t think he’d believe me if I did…” He runs his thumb over her lower lip, a rush of adrenaline running through his body as he takes note of how red and kiss-swollen it is. “It’s probably obvious to anyone who’s looking.”

“Ben…”

“I—I don’t—I don’t even know how to say how strongly I feel what I feel for you, but—”

“I can feel it,” she assures him, her chest still heaving against his with every breath as she reaches up to take one of his hands, and places it over her chest. “In here.”

“I feel it, too,” he replies, then there’s one last moment of hesitation, one last tiny little silence before he’s kissing her again, his hand splaying out on her chest so that his fingers rest on the swells of both of her breasts as he slowly guides it upward to where he can feel her pulse racing beneath her skin, then he cups her jaw, tilting her head back so he can deepen the kiss as her other leg wraps around him. 

They are now both close and entangled, and he wonders if they’ll ever be able to untie themselves from the knot they’ve created. The tension still growing between them seems to indicate that they won’t, and he feels as if his whole body is on fire, heat blossoming between them, allowing him to become increasingly aware of the growing erection between his legs. At any second now, Rey will take notice of it, and he’s not sure if he finds that more arousing or absolutely terrifying. 

What matters more than his opinion, though, is hers, and if she’s not ready for him to be harder than a fucking rock between her legs, she shouldn’t have to put up with it. With that in mind, he decides to pull back, shifting his hips away from hers, but then the legs she has wrapped around him pull him back in so that his cock is now pressed up against the apex of her thighs, and he pulls away from the kiss in shock. 

“Rey?”

“I liked that,” she whispers, leaning forward to kiss the corner of his mouth. “It was nice.”

“Are—are you sure?” he asks, his voice breathless, almost a whisper it’s so quiet, but he can’t believe what he’s hearing, he can’t process that what she’s telling him is real, and he almost forgets how to breathe. 

Rey shifts her hips against his, grinding against his erection in a way that draws a low moan from his lips. “I’m sure,” she replies. “If you are.”

Nodding, he starts lowering his head to kiss her again. “I am.” Then he captures her lips with his as he begins grinding his cock against her, immense waves of pleasure taking him over as he learns what it’s like to touch another person for the first time, what it feels like to drive another person to the edge he’s previously only been able to achieve with his own hand. 

What this is, he’s not sure yet, but he feels deep in his bones that this is right, that whatever is happening here is natural. His inexperience, however, is rendering him somewhat terrified. Through the bond, he can sense that she’s enjoying it, that she loves whatever’s happening here as much as he does, but he’s still so scared of fucking it up. All he can do is try to focus, to keep trying to show her through this how much he loves her, and pray that it’s enough to make this work. 

It  _ feels  _ incredible. Every single time his cock brushes against the apex of her thighs, even through the layers of their clothing, he has to bite his lip to keep himself from falling apart. Through their bond, he can feel some of her pleasure on top of his, and though he’s normally got good stamina under his own hand, he’s already starting to lose control with her. 

He wants her to enjoy this, he can’t lose control, not before she does. 

Attempting to distract himself, Ben takes his kisses down onto the column of her throat, sucking her skin into his mouth as she moans beneath him. A part of him is aware that this is probably a bad idea, that people will see this mark and know where it came from, but if Rey could heal his injuries and be just fine, couldn't he heal the bruise left behind by his lips?

He wants the mark he’s leaving to be there forever, wants the whole world to know he was with her and that the two of them belong to each other, but realistically, they’re not quite there yet. They still have to hide, so Ben groans softly as he releases her skin, shifting up again so that he’s kissing her properly, the way she deserves to be kissed. 

If her reaction is anything to go by, it’s the right move. Rey's fingers dig into his hair as he kisses her, returning each kiss with a ferocity he’s only ever seen her display in battle. She’s a terrifying thing when their sabers clash, but right now that feral energy she carries is fuel to an entirely different—but equally fierce—fire. 

_ Force,  _ he loves her, he loves everything from the way she looks at him to the way she makes him feel. He loves how her hands comb through his hair, how he can feel her spurring him on through their connection, how she’s using their shared pleasure to drive him closer to the edge as they both prepare to tumble over it. 

Needing to feel her come apart, Ben speeds up his thrusts, breaking up the kiss as he puts all of his efforts into letting Rey finish. Both of them moan as they pull apart, and he can’t help but let her name fall from his lips as a sigh when he feels the heat of that increased friction. It’s enough that it nearly sends him into that abyss, and he bites his lip again, forcing himself to focus on Rey’s hooded eyes, her tiny little pants, her silent whispers of his name as he tries to gauge just how close she is. 

Seconds later, he gets his answer. Her head falls back, exposing her neck to him as she gasps his name again, a little louder this time as intense waves of pleasure wash over their bond. He barely has time to process that she’s coming as he falls apart himself, tumbling over the cliff with her as he buries his face in her newly exposed skin, feeling overwhelmed but also entirely blissed out.

It’s the hardest he’s ever come in his life. His eyes clamp shut as it happens, stars filling his vision, and he feels like his flying and falling all at once. It’s wonderful and intense and they are both drowning in each other in the best possible way, both breathing hard as they slowly come down from their shared climax, and he gets the chance to just hold her, to pull back and watch as she recovers from what they’ve just done. 

Given that none of this is something he’d ever thought he’d feel, he feels blessed, lucky, and impossibly happy. A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he holds her close, sharing little kisses with her as they both giggle intermittently, and he feels her elation rushing over the bond into his mind. She’s happy; really, truly happy, and he is the cause of her joy. Every time he sees Rey smile, he thinks it might be the thing that makes his day better. When he is the reason for that smile?

His heart feels like it could burst, especially because he knows that this isn’t a smile she gives to anyone else. The smile she gives to everyone on the base is different, slightly more reserved, but still full of sunshine. The one she gives to him is pure light, reaching her eyes as her cheeks color with a blush only he seems capable of bringing about. There’s an energy behind it that he can quite literally feel, that he enjoys bringing out of her. 

She is the sun to his moon, he thinks, she lights him up and makes him shine, shielding him from darkness. Rey has shown him what it means to be happy, what it means to grow as a person, and he in turn has shown her how it feels to be loved, how easy it is to let someone in and share a single soul. 

“You’re staying here again tonight?” she asks him quietly, her voice offering a hint of hope with an undercurrent of fear, as if she’s somehow afraid that he would ever say no to a night with her. 

“I’ll stay here forever if you want me to.”

“We’d need to eat eventually, Ben,” she replies, then he rolls off of her, and wraps her up in his arms, one of his hands resting casually on her chest as it continues to heave from how short of breath she is. “And clean off.”

“Mmm, I need to shower.”

“So do I,” she replies, then she wraps an arm around his waist, turning herself into his embrace. “But can it wait a minute? I want to catch my breath.”

Smiling, Ben presses a kiss to her temple. “Sure,” he replies, then he pulls her in closer, so that she’s almost on top of him as he leans back into the mattress, and for a few minutes, they just hold each other. For that tiny fraction of time, they’re just any normal couple enjoying a quiet moment of peace. He knows it won’t last, but he breathes in every second of it that he can get. They may not have this forever if things go south with the war or with their own comrades, and so he holds it close to his heart, he savors every second he has her in his arms.

He vows to never let go, to always shroud her in the warmth and affection he feels for her even on the coldest, most miserable nights, and he prays that everything will turn out okay, that he’ll be able to live out the rest of his days with her, that they’ll be able to grow old, and one day?

All of this hiding will be nothing but a memory. They will be free and their love will be open, and they will never know what it’s like to hold back from it again. 


	8. Education

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deathly ill but I somehow managed to do this lmao.
> 
> Also ayyy we hit 10k hits which is awesome, guys! Thank you so much! 
> 
> The chapter count may go up one more time but I don’t see it going beyond twelve chapters. Thank you all so much for your patience!

As the next few days pass, Ben actually does manage to exercise caution when it comes to displaying his affection for Rey. This, however, may or may not—and entirely has everything to do with—be related to the increased patrols in the hallways at night, but he thinks it’s a good idea regardless. They need to start actually hiding their relationship if they’re going to fly under the radar, so for the time being, they’re back to a very limited amount of touches and kisses. 

It doesn’t stop him from helplessly thinking about what had happened in her bunk every so often and having to immediately start thinking about General Hux or Snoke to stop himself from getting hard. He’s never felt anything like that in his life. That night, they’d accidentally opened up a whole new world of possibilities, and he doesn’t think they’ll ever be able to get back to what they were before. Not that he wants to, but…

He doesn’t know anything about this sort of stuff—the  _ physical _ stuff—and it makes him nervous as all hell. What if he isn’t any good at it when the time comes? She seemed to enjoy what he’d done with their clothes on, but it’s another thing entirely to be actually naked and vulnerable with each other. He’s not sure about her—though he suspects—but he knows no one else in the entire galaxy has seen him naked. Actually stripping down for her completely?

He’s fucking terrified, but he knows that if there’s anyone out there that he wants to do that with, it’s going to be her. 

Eventually, he knows, he’s going to get over his inexperience, but as he enjoys his meal at the commissary with Finn and Rose, an unlikely conversation starts up that he finely tunes his ears to. They’re just eating dinner, nothing interesting going on aside from Finn making occasional commentary on the taste of the food, and before he knows it, their other friend is questioning him about his relationship with Poe, which ordinarily wouldn’t interest him, but then she starts talking about the one thing that’s been occupying his thoughts, and suddenly he’s a very invested listener. 

“Finn, you know your bunk is right next to mine, right?” Rose asks, plopping some sort of fried, circular vegetable into her mouth as she gives him an amused stare from across the table. 

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Tell me, is your bed parked on the left side of the room?”

“Yeah, it is, why?”

“Oh, no reason, but I can hear you and Poe having very loud sex sometimes, and I just wanted to ask you to keep it down,” Rose says, and Ben nearly spits out his water from shock. 

Both Finn and Rose’s gazes turn to him in concern, though he can’t help but notice that the former is slightly more pink in the face than he was a few seconds ago. “I’m all right,” he assures them, then he clears his throat, and hopes they think he’s recovering himself while he starts listening to the meat of the conversation. 

Finn laughs nervously as he crosses his arms, then leans against the table. “Sorry, I’ll move the bed over to the other side of the room.”

“But then the people on the other side of you are going to hear you.” Rose sets down the next vegetable she was going to eat, and sighs. “Look, I get it. Times are tough and we don’t know how long we’ve got to live, but please just… do it at an hour where I’m not there, or do it quietly. Not in the middle of the night.”

Grumbling quietly to himself, he picks up his cup, bringing it to his lips as an idea lights up his eyes. “I’ll quiet down if you quiet down.”

“What?”

“The walls are thin on both sides, Rose.” He shrugs. “Sometimes you just have to bite on something.”

Blinking, Ben finds himself confused. He wonders what the hell they mean by something to bite down on, but he realizes too late that he’s said this out loud when he looks up to find Rose and Finn both staring at him with slack jaws. “What?”

“You know, to keep yourself from making too much noise during sex?” Rose asks, looking at him with a hope in her eyes that he knows is just begging for some kind of confirmation that Ben knows  _ something  _ about the subject of conversation. 

Unfortunately, he doesn’t, and if he’s going to learn anything from this, he’s going to have to be honest about that. “I, uh… I’ve only…”  _ Fuck,  _ can he get through this without stuttering? He can feel his face growing hot again as he remembers what had happened with Rey a few nights before, how her hands had carded through his hair, how desperately he’d kissed her—it was his first and only intimate encounter thus far with the woman he loves. “I’ve just been close to someone one time, and we were kind of far away from anyone else. Noises weren’t a problem.”

Finn just kind of snickers, but Rose quirks a curious eyebrow. “Just once?”

“Yeah,” Ben admits, then he laughs to himself. “I had no idea what I was doing.”

“None of us do,” the man sitting across the table from him admits, plopping some sort of berry into his mouth. “Not the first time. Sometimes not even multiple times after that. You just have to relax.”

“Relax?”

Rose rests a hand on his arm. “You have to get out of your head, don’t even think about the physicality of it. Just focus on having fun. If you can’t laugh with that person, you shouldn’t be having sex with them.” She then reaches for her food, beginning to munch on the berries on her own plate as he thinks that over. “And hopefully you already know this—but I’m assuming you don’t because you established you don’t know anything—but make sure whoever they are—if they’re a woman—that they have an implant first. War isn’t a time for babies.”

His entire body goes hot as his cheeks flush all over again. He hasn’t even  _ thought  _ about that. It’s so early in their relationship he’s only just begun to consider marriage, and only because he knows that his soul is already tied to hers. Children?  _ Fuck _ , that’s a whole other world of terrifying. The thought of accidentally causing one because he knows nothing? 

Ben feels dizzy at the thought, his mind helplessly supplying him images of a baby with rounded cheeks, his hair, and her eyes. He doesn’t know if that child is happy, if someone like him is capable of making a baby happy, but he makes Rey smile every time she sees him. That has to mean something, right? That has to mean that if they ever do decide they want kids, that he’ll be able to do the same for his child, doesn’t it?

Finn’s laughter brings him back to reality. “Rose, I don’t think we should mention babies again.”

“I think Ben just went into cardiac arrest,” Rose replies, then she rubs his arm gently. “Look, we’ll drop the babies thing, but is there anything else you need to know? We’re here to help as much as we love teasing you.”

Pausing a moment, Ben thinks over what he didn’t know. The other day, he’d been able to guess some things based on his connection with Rey, but that will only get him so far. He needs to know more, and so he leans forward, Finn and Rose accompanying him as he goes, and sighs. “If I don’t know if someone has an implant, what else can I do?”

Finn begins to snicker, but their other friend clasps her hands together. “Oh, that’s a great question.”

*

His cheeks are a crimson mess by the end of the conversation, and he’s even blushing when he goes to meet Rey to run another training drill. He is blushing all the way through the exercise into the moment that he winds up alone with her again. 

It’s just like the last time this happened. They are alone in the alcove of trees, and he is leaning against one massive chunk of wooden bark as he steals tiny kisses from her, his arm wrapped lightly around her waist so they can escape suddenly if need be as they listen to the sounds of their fellow Resistance members mock battling around them. 

A tiny moan escapes Ben’s lips as Rey kisses him a little more deeply, her hands threatening to move from his cheeks to his hair as her tongue swipes along the entrance to his mouth.  _ Fuck _ , he wants this. He wants her so badly he doesn’t have the words, and in light of his conversation with Finn and Rose, he wants to try everything he has just learned on her. 

He thinks about what Rose has said about going down on someone. Could he do that for her here? Does he have time to pull her trousers down and make her come apart with his tongue? Probably not, but the mental image of Rey breathlessly whispering his name as her head falls back against the back, the sweat on her forehead and exposed collar bones glistening in the sunlight, has him getting increasingly hard nonetheless. 

He’s going to have to try it tonight, to show her the realm of things they can do together. 

He also has to find out if she has an implant, if he can feel her around his cock someday soon without having another heart attack in public. Rose had told him that most of the women on the base have one, but she isn’t sure about Rey. Up until the war started winding down, there wasn’t a lot of coupling going on in the Resistance. These last couple of weeks have been the only ones where love has been in the air. 

And doesn’t he know it. His lips pull into a smile as he pulls away from her, still living for the simple fact that he can breathe again without it aching all over.  _ Fuck _ , he loves this woman. He loves her with his entire heart and soul, and not just because he owes her for having healed his injuries. He loves every piece of her. “When can I see you tonight?”

“Tonight?” she asks, then she laughs as she brushes a piece of hair away from his mouth, and kisses him again, short and fleeting. “Come to my quarters after dark. Bed’s been cold without you.”

“So has mine,” he replies, then he leans back, peaking his head out from behind the tree to make sure that no one else is coming before he moves forward again to whisper in her ear, “There’s something I want to try.”

She quirks an eyebrow, her smile brighter than the sun shining down on them. “Oh?”

A small laugh escapes him, then he leans in for one more kiss. “I wish we could just stand here all day,” he whispers, then he sighs again. “I never want to leave.”

“It is nice. Maybe we can come out here some other day when no one is around,” she tells him, then she pulls back, both of them hearing the voices and shouts of their comrades getting closer by the second. 

“Or later today,” Ben replies, reaching for the saber strapped to his hip. “No one will be here an hour from now.”

Eyes going a bit wide, Rey nods as she reaches for the saber strapped to her own belt. “You make a good point.”

Smirking, Ben lights his saber, then looks at her one last time. “Meet me here in an hour?” he asks, feeling excitement rush through his veins at the thought of what they’d do just an hour from now in this jungle. 

“I will,” she promises him, then she lights hers, and together, they break apart and come around the trees to surprise their comrades, grins on their faces as they eagerly anticipate the moment they’re free from this training exercise—the moment  _ he  _ is free to show her all he knows. 


	9. The Jungle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a minute! I was dared to write an A/B/O in 14 days and well, I never turn down a dare. 😂 that took up most of my time 😂

An hour later, Ben jogs from the base, trying his absolute best to be inconspicuous as he hopes he isn’t too late for meeting her in the jungle. He doesn’t think he is. It’s been precisely one hour since their training drill ended and he has been on edge ever since; bouncing his leg when he sits, and fidgeting anxiously with his hands. He’s a fucking mess, but he hopes he won’t be by the time he gets there. 

By now, he knows his way to this tree like he knows the back of his own hand, and so he slips inside of it easily, looking over his shoulder every couple of minutes to make sure he isn’t being followed before he rushes into the trees. Beneath his feet, the ground crunches with his every step, and as he continues to exercise caution, he stops behind every tree, peaking out behind it to make sure no one else had the same idea that he’s had. 

Once he’s made it a good ways into the jungle, he’s confident that he hasn’t been followed, and he begins moving at a much more brisk pace. Excitement floods his veins as he goes, he’s been looking forward to this all day, even during their moment in the jungle. They still only get a few moments in between all the chaos, and so he cherishes every moment he has with her. They’re all still so precious, so valuable, so tender, and each one makes him long more for the day when he’ll get to love her properly. 

For now, Ben has this, and it’ll always be enough if it has to. With Rey he has no expectations, nothing holding him back, but he wants everything with her, just to feel normal, to feel like he belongs in a way he never has. 

Eventually, he makes his way to the tree, coming around the side of it as he whispers Rey’s name, hoping she’ll be there when he grasps the trunk of the tree in one hand, leaning out as he uses his arm for support. Ordinarily, he’d be amazed that the action no longer hurt him, that his pain was gone, but today he is more concerned with the fact that the woman he loves is nowhere to be seen. “Rey?” he asks again, pushing away from the tree as he looks right and left, searching desperately for his lover. “Rey?”

Still nothing. There isn’t a sound or visual sign of her, just him, the trees, the dappled sunlight, and the birds that chirp up above. He’s alone, or so he thinks he is. 

A few seconds later, he senses her presence in the force, and already the corners of his mouth are beginning to form a smile as a relieved laugh falls from his lips. “I can feel you, you know,” he tells her, still seeing no sign of her in his line of sight. 

There’s a rustling of leaves behind him, and the smile on his face only grows wider.  _ Ah,  _ so she’s playing  _ that  _ game, the one she’d tried to play days earlier when he’d been injured. It wasn’t as fun then since he couldn’t respond to it the way he wanted to, but now? He most certainly can. 

He doesn’t turn around, wanting to be surprised by whatever it is she does to him, to milk the satisfaction of this reunion—even though it’s only been an hour—for everything it’s worth. Luckily, it pays off. 

Seconds later, he’s rewarded when her arms wrap around his neck, and suddenly he’s catching her thighs with his hands as she wraps her legs around his waist, feet crossing over his lower abdomen as she pulls him close, and starts pressing kisses to the side of his face and into his hair. Laughter erupts from them both as he spins them around, then he tilts his head back to look at her, but he hardly gets the chance to before her lips find his, and when he can stop smiling for more than half a second, he kisses her back, beaming at her between each one. 

His stomach feels like it has a million tiny, winged creatures in it and his head feels light as he kisses her like this, as her hands cross over his chest, pulling her close, and his head tilts back as far as it can without throwing his balance off. It’s an excellent kiss, if he says so himself, and easily one of his top ten that they’ve shared if only for the way she’d begun it, the way she’d surprised him.  _ Fuck,  _ he loves her, he’ll never tire of thinking it, and the thought makes him smile against her lips, breaking the kiss as he finally gets the chance to look her in the eyes. 

A moment passes like that where they just stare at each other, eyes drifting over the other person’s face as they process that this is real, that they’re actually together. Eventually, he breaks the silence, smiling at her again as he whispers, “Hi.”

She’s grinning from ear to ear as she looks down at him, then she kisses his cheek, and he feels like he could melt into the jungle floor or float away on the air. “Hi,” she replies, then she begins tracing the ridges of his sternum with her fingers, the motion remarkably soothing as she leans her head against his. “Sorry I was late.”

Closing his eyes against her touch, he takes a minute to breathe her in, then he sighs. “You’re here now.”

“I am.”

“Can I put you down? I want to be able to see you,” he says, then after a moment’s silence, she nods, kissing his cheek again before she unravels her legs from his waist, and drops to the ground. 

Instantly, he turns to face her, wrapping his arms around her as he pulls her in close, and buries his face in her hair. “I thought you wanted to be able to see me,” she reminds him, but he only holds her more tightly. 

“Maybe I just wanted you like this.” He adjusts his grip, then he pulls back so he can see her face. She looks no different than she did an hour ago, but her lips look a little more pink and so do her cheeks. She must’ve put some sort of berries on them or something, or maybe she’d just been running? Or maybe it’s the simple fact that she’s just been kissed, that she gets the same fluttery feelings in her stomach when she kisses him that he gets when he kisses her. “Do I ever tell you how happy you make me?”

“You can tell me as many times as you like,” she tells him, then he feels her fingers twine in his hair. “I could hear it everyday.”

His cheeks flush with heat again, burning hotter as he leans his forehead against hers, thinking about his conversation with Rose and Finn from earlier. He wants to take this further. This thing between them makes him feel alive, and it’s already perfect, but he wants to do everything and go everywhere with her, and they have to start somewhere. 

“I’m just glad we can hold each other properly now,” he says, still a bit afraid to start that conversation as he reaches up to caress her cheek with one hand. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” she asks, turning her head to press a series of gentle kisses into his palm as she grins at him. “What is it?”

“Earlier I was eating with Finn and Rose, you know, before we ran the drill?” She hums her acknowledgement against his palm, then she turns her head to face him as his thumb runs over the smooth skin of her lips. “We got to um…”  _ Fuck _ , have his cheeks ever burned quite this hot? He feels like he might catch fire he’s blushing so hard, and so he turns his gaze to the ground, praying she doesn’t pay it too much attention as she watches him. “I… they told me about, uh… intimacy… and Rose in particular told me this thing—“

Laughter falls from her lips, and if he hadn’t been red before, he’s positively crimson now. “Ben, I’ve had that conversation with them, too. You don’t need to be embarrassed,” she tells him, but as he looks up into her eyes, she’s also turning red. “I was curious about exploring more with you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, there was something I wanted to try,” he says, then he runs a hand through his hair. “If you’d let me.”

Looking between his eyes, Rey lets a moment pass in quiet, neither of them speaking a word as he watches, as he  _ feels  _ her thinking it over. Enough time passes that he almost tells her to forget about it, that it wasn’t worth mentioning, but then she nods, and her smile grows wide again. “I’d love to,” she replies, then she takes his hand, and places it back on her cheek. “I’d try just about everything with you.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’ve never felt more sure about anything,” she tells him, then before she can say anything else, he leans forward, and kisses her again, using his grip on her waist to pull her tight against him. 

Rey gives him a contented hum against his lips as he lifts her from the ground, the hum becoming a low moan as her back hits the tree they’d agreed to meet by, and he tilts her head back against it, the kiss somehow growing deeper as their tongues meet in the space between them. Of course, it’s only going to get more intense from here with what he has planned. He just hopes she likes it, that he’s good at it. Oh  _ force _ , what if he isn’t even good at it? What if it’s the most awkward experience of his entire life and he can never look at her again?

He can’t think about that right now or his confidence will be  _ shot.  _ He has to think about what he’s doing and believe that he’s going to be good at it. 

Han Solo was his father, and given what little he knows from tales of his father’s youth, he hopes he inherited some of that naturally gifted talent. He fucking  _ hopes.  _

“Do you trust me?” he asks against her mouth, his voice breathless and his lungs already starved of oxygen. 

“I trust you,” she replies, then he’s back to kissing her, and the hand that isn’t holding her against the tree begins to slide down her body, gliding gently over the swell of her breasts before skimming over her abdominal muscles. Even through the fabric of her clothing, he can feel them, and a surge of arousal rushes through him at the thought of seeing her without a shirt. 

As his fingers reach for the laces of her pants, he helplessly pictures Rey clad only in her breast band and trousers, her hair falling loose around her shoulders as she rocks against his erection, bringing them both to completion the way they had the other night. The thought makes him incredibly hard, but he didn’t come here to get himself off, he came here to hear her scream. 

Shaking the image of shirtless Rey from his head, he set her down on the ground, his fingers slipping beneath the waistband of her trousers as he began to kneel before her. Slowly but surely, he began to trail kisses down the line of her jaw, undoubtedly leaving marks on her neck with his teeth as she sighed against him, her hands threading themselves into his hair as he pressed kisses over the center of her clothed chest, then moved on to her stomach. He could feel those muscles beneath his lips, could feel them tensing as he gripped her hips like his life depended on it, then he began to tug them down her hips, fingers digging into her underwear as well as he began to pull everything onto her thighs. 

His breath catches when he first sees her cunt, her arousal scenting the air as he reaches for the laces of one of her boots. He’s going to have to remove one of her pant legs entirely if he’s going to succeed in doing this, but he wants her to be able to have the ability to pull them back on quickly should anyone find them. 

Hands shaking quite badly, he manages to undo the laces of her boot, then he forcefully tugs it off of her foot, and sets it to the side, making a mental note of its location for later as he moves on to removing her pant leg from her foot. Her body is also trembling, almost as badly as his, her hands shaking in his hair as he lifts her leg, and rests her thigh on his shoulder. Now her cunt is right in front of his face, and his breathing shudders over her skin as he looks at her, remembering everything Rose had taught him. He can do this, he really can. He’s bonded to her, after all, surely he’ll know if she thinks he’s doing poorly. 

A wave of confidence filling him, Ben meets her eyes, then he somehow manages to wink at her before he begins pressing kisses to the inside of her thighs. A shaky breath escapes his bond mate, her hands clenching his hair into her fists just a little more tightly as he gets closer and closer to her apex, and he senses her starting to catch on to what he’s intending to do here. 

Taking in one last, shuddering breath, he feels his nose brush her clit, the woman above him gasping sharply as he then pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her cunt, his tongue darting out to taste her. His lips begin to move against her entrance, tongue licking a stripe all the way up to her clit before he does it again, and instantly she is a sobbing mess in his hands. 

Apparently, he isn’t as bad at this as he thinks he is. Or maybe Rose was just a really good teacher. Maybe that’s it, but as he moves up to suck her clit, he thinks he might also have a natural born skill, because the sound she makes in response is one that quickly sears itself in his memory. In its aftermath, she’s gasping for air, her heel digging into his back as her hands grasp at his hair hard enough that it fucking hurts. 

The pain, however, is worth it for the sheer pleasure he can feel through the bond. What Rey is feeling delights him, makes him feel ecstatic in a way he never has. He hadn’t known it was possible to feel like this before now, and it’s… it’s like magic. 

Remembering something else Rose had told him, he slips a hand down from her hips, bringing a finger between her legs as his tongue flicks at her clit. She’s already on the edge of falling apart for him, but as he inserts a finger into her entrance, her breath leaves her in short, sharp gasps. 

The feeling makes his cock fucking  _ strain  _ against his pants. He’s remarkably hard from this, both the sounds she’s making and the feeling of her pleasure through the bond have him nearly falling over the edge himself. It makes him wonder if he will come when she does, if the bond is powerful enough that even though he isn’t being touched, he’ll still spill into his trousers regardless. 

“Ben, please,” she whispers, and he’s not sure what she’s begging for, but he removes his finger from her entrance, and replaces it with his tongue again, tasting her thoroughly as he curls it inside of her. “ _ Fuck…” _

Laughing against her skin, he nuzzles his nose into her clit, that sweet friction forcing more swears from her mouth as his hand finds its way back to her hip, pinning her against the tree so she can’t buck against his mouth. They don’t need to explain sex related injuries to the good people working at the med-bay. He doesn’t need doctors who knew his mother and loved her investigating his son’s broken nose that he got from eating out her most beloved soldier. 

“Ben, I’m gonna come,” she warns him, then his tongue does another thorough lick from her entrance to her clit, and before he can give her a witty response, she comes on his face, a small but noticeable coat of wetness coating his mouth as she rewards his ears with soft little moans he hopes to revisit in his dreams. 

He doesn’t quite come from this, but he certainly senses her euphoria. He rides her high with her, both of them feeling sheer bliss as he continues eating her out through it all. Both of them feel as if they’re floating, and he knows that in spite of the way he’s got her pinned against this tree she feels free, like somehow she’s been liberated. 

All Ben can feel is joy, and given how infrequently he’s been allowed to feel it up until now, he relishes in the feeling as he pulls back from her, then sets about helping her back into her trousers. As much as he enjoys having her half naked like this, he knows they’re still in relatively exposed territory, so he lifts her leg off of his shoulder, and begins sliding her pant leg back into it. Disappointment floods the bond, but then he offers her an apologetic smile, and she seems to forgive him for it. “That was incredible,” she breathes, reaching down to pull up her pants herself once he gets them past her knees. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

A blush creeps up his cheeks, then he reaches for her boot, waiting until she’s lacing up her trousers before he starts putting it onto her foot. “Like I said. I had a talk with Finn and Rose. She taught me a lot.”

“Well, if it’s going to bring me this everyday then please speak with them more often,” she tells him, causing them both to laugh as he does up the laces on her boot, then he stands, and she puts her hands on his chest, allowing them to drift up to wrap around the back of his neck. A sigh falls from her lips as she pulls his forehead down to hers, then she pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

“Neither can I,” he replies, then he kisses her again. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” She grins against his lips as they continue to kiss; soft and slow, as if they have all the time in the world and not a very remarkably limited amount of it. 

The kiss is a joy, it makes him feel like he’s the luckiest man in the world and he’s found the greatest treasure of all time. It also distracts him, pulling all of his focus into Rey and how much he wants to show her he loves her, and so he doesn’t hear the footsteps approaching them, doesn’t hear the sound of someone’s heavy breathing, and doesn’t sense them in the force until he hears a quiet gasp. 

Pulling apart from Rey at speeds his father’s famed Falcon could only dream to achieve, he knows it’s too late. By the time they are no longer within kissing distance of each other, Finn is staring at them from a distance of no more than ten feet, eyes wide with disbelief as his jaw falls slack, then he utters one single word, “Rey?” and Ben knows their bubble of secrecy has just started to burst. 


	10. Someday

He doesn’t know what to say. It isn’t the first time, but it’s the worst incidence of speechlessness he’s ever suffered in his entire life. Ben is stuck, unsure what to do, how to react, because one of the two people he wants least in the world to know about his relationship with Rey is now looking at him and his very kiss-swollen lips and instantly he can tell he knows what’s happened. 

“Finn, I can explain,” the woman beside him starts to say, but he holds up a hand, and she falls silent, because there is no explanation for what’s happening aside from the obvious. 

For a second, he’s quiet, then Finn pointed between them, his facial expression too neutral for Ben to tell what it means. “What is this?” 

Rey's breath catches, and he can see her lower lip trembling as she stands there unable to speak. All he wants is to take her hand, pull her into his arms, and tell her it’s going to be okay, but he isn’t sure yet if she wants him to. Her emotions through the bond are a tangled mess that he can’t quite read, though he thinks it’s getting clearer by the second. 

“Finn, this…” She looks back at Ben, as if she’s asking for permission. He isn’t sure quite what he’s agreeing to, but then she reaches out and takes his hand, and his jaw falls slack as she then covers their joined hands with her other one, and steps closer to him. “This is…” Taking in another deep breath, she squeezes Ben’s hand as if seeking reassurance, then she sighs. “This is— _ fuck _ —I’m in love with Ben, and we know the base as a whole wouldn’t approve, so we’ve been trying to keep it a secret.”

Blinking, Finn looks between them, looking at Ben with a hint of disdain that he quickly attempts to mask, but he knows it’s there nonetheless and it hurts him. He’d thought they’d finally reached a place where they could become friends, but perhaps they haven’t. Maybe it’s still too early.  _ Damn it _ , why didn’t he sense Finn in the jungle more quickly? “So you—you—“ He looks at him again. “When you were talking about being intimate with someone earlier, that was—?”

“It was Rey,” he replies, his voice much more watery and unstable than he wants it to be at that moment. 

“And you—?”

“I love her, too.” He sounds more confident this time, like he actually has a backbone, and he’s not sure he needs one, this isn’t a fight, but it’s still fucking terrifying. “And I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not that man. I am not Kylo Ren. She—she showed me the way out, and… I like to think we’re good together.”

Disbelief crosses Finn's features, then he tilts his head up. “You do?” he asks, then he almost laughs. “You and Rey?”

“He’s good to me, Finn, he understands me in a way no one ever has or ever will,” Rey replied, then she leans into him, causing Ben to swallow back the lump that forms in his throat. “And I know I can trust him.  _ We  _ can trust him. He’s Han and Leia’s son, he’s…”  _ half of my soul _ . “He’s a part of this resistance as much as you and I, and so with that in mind, I have to ask you to keep this to yourself. Don’t tell anyone, and especially don’t tell Poe.” 

A hesitant look fills his eyes, but then he looks at Ben, and in the force, he can sense calmness, peace, serenity rather than any kind of conflict. Finn has made up his mind, and he knows before the other man opens his mouth that he and Rey are going to be all right. “You love each other?”

They answer in perfect harmony. “Yes.” 

Stepping back in surprise, Finn nods slowly, placing his hands on his hips as he looks between them. “Then I won’t say anything,” he says, but just as he and Rey both start to sigh in relief, he holds up a finger, and points into the jungle. “But you’re going to want to hide, ‘cause I came out here to meet Poe, and he’ll be here any minute now.”

“Thanks, Finn,” Rey replies, then she tugs on Ben’s hand, giving him only enough time to nod his approval to their friend before they are running off through the jungle, green flying past them in a blur as she leads them further and further away from where Poe and Finn are intending to rendezvous. 

The wind whips at their hair, but they don’t stop running until they’re at the water’s edge of a nearby stream, their boots getting wet as they find themselves only stopping from the sound of the splashing as they enter the water. “Rey,” he says as he feels the cool dampness begin to spread into his socks. “You didn’t have to tell him anything.”

“He was a test.” She tugs on his hand, pulling her toward him as she then wraps her arms around his waist, embracing him as she leans up onto the balls of her feet. “Because I know you’ve been struggling to keep this a secret and so have I. If Finn can handle it…” Shifting back a few inches, she gives him the chance to look into her eyes, watching her closely as the corners of her mouth tug up into a smile. “Maybe soon enough the rest of the base will accept it, too. If you’re alright with it.”

An involuntary smile blossoms on his face as he processes her words, his whole body alight with joy as he looks at the hope in her eyes. “You want to tell the base about…?”

“Us? Yes,” she replies, then he can feel her thumbs gently stroking his back, that look in her eyes she reserves specifically for him making itself known as he feels her excitement in the force. “Ben, I… I’m tired of hiding, and I know you are, too.”

A short laugh escapes him as he nods his agreement, then he leans forward, and presses his forehead against hers, sensing that she was still hesitant to go through with it. “But you want to wait a little while longer?”

“I don’t know, I just… I can feel your frustration every time we have to hide. I know Poe gave you a hard time last week, and—“ She groans, then her hands dig into the fabric of his tunic, breathing in a hiss as he senses her conflict in the bond. “Maybe that’s why we shouldn’t. If Poe was just telling you not to talk to me, it might be best if we just stayed in the shadows.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” he replies, then he places a hand on her cheek, stroking the skin there as gently as he can, thinking helplessly of what could be one day as the water flows around their feet, the soft babbling sound filling their ears as he holds her. “But someday.”

“Someday,” she replies, then she shakes her head before he feels her lips press against his. 

It’s a soft kiss, slow and sensual like all their best kisses are, but something about this one feels special, like it’s a promise. Someday, they’ll be able to kiss like this without fear of someone giving them hell for it. They’ll be able to love openly like anyone else, and he’d gotten excited for a moment, thinking that time was coming soon, but perhaps they were going to have to wait a little longer. 

For her, he knows he can wait forever, he’ll wait until the stream they’re in runs out of water if he has to, but he also can’t deny how hard it’s starting to get. The secret they’re keeping is starting to get impossible to keep, and given that two people already know and one suspects something’s going on, he knows it won’t be long before it’s out. 

Still, he’s going to enjoy this time with her. It could always be stolen away at any moment, he knows that from what happened on Exegol. He knows logically that it’s unlikely he’ll lose her like that again, but this is one of those moments where he remembers what it felt like to hold her lifeless body in his arms. Maybe the rest of the base won’t accept them even if they wait to come out with this, but they don’t know how it feels to lose the other half of their soul. If they tell people about the bond, about how Palpatine finally fell, will they understand then?

He doesn’t know, and what hurts him the most is there’s no way to tell. People barely understand the force, but maybe…  _ fuck, _ when did his life start to rely so heavily on maybe, perhaps, and so much uncertainty? He’d always been conflicted, but since coming back to the Resistance, he’d traded one struggle for another and it felt like whiplash of the most intense sort. 

There can be nothing uncertain, though, about the way she kisses him. At the bare minimum, if anyone ever sees them, he knows they can’t say this is one-sided. Her lips brush against his in a rhythm that matches the rippling water of the stream, and through their connection, he can feel how strongly she cares for him, can sense it in the way her hands grip his back to pull him closer. People will say it’s impossible given how they started, how they met, but sometimes impossible things do happen. 

Pulling away from their kiss, Ben looks into her eyes, observing a kaleidoscope of greens and browns as she looks up at him with a kindness in her gaze that still captivated him even though he knows it well. It’s an impossible thing, the way she looks at him, and yet… 

This is what he has, moments with her, moments where he feels warm sunlight on his face and that heat is spreading through his entire body, and he’s lucky to even have that. He’s fucking  _ grateful,  _ but wanting more? It’s only human. “We should get back,” he says quietly. “People might get suspicious if we’re gone for too long.”

“You’re right,” she replies, rubbing her hands up and down his arms as if she’s attempting to warm him up, but the gesture seems to have more soothing intentions. “Let’s go home.” 

Quickly yet tenderly, he leans in for one last press of her lips against his, Ben takes her hands, and together they run back through the jungle toward the base, knowing the secret between them will have to wait to be told another day, but that it won’t be long before that day arrives. 

*

That night, they elect to stay in their separate quarters. They’ve already pushed their luck by getting caught by Finn, they don’t need to risk anything else as much as he knows they both desperately want to hold each other. 

As the sun sets over the base and night falls, Ben does simple exercise drills in his bunk. His shirt has been discarded somewhere over his mattress, a thin sheen of sweat building on his back as he pushes up and down off the floor. All he can hear is the sound of his own breathing as he tries desperately not to think of the events of that afternoon. So far, he and Rey haven’t been given hell by Finn or Poe, so he can only assume that he’d actually decided to keep their secret, but he’s still on edge regardless. 

It had been awkward enough when Poe confronted him on the suspicion that he loved Rey without knowing if the feeling was mutual. If he has to deal with him knowing what they’d been doing in the jungle, he’s pretty sure he’ll never turn any color but crimson ever again. 

What had happened in the jungle is the other thing he’s trying not to think about as he concentrates on his breathing. All that does, however, is make him think of Rey’s breathy moans as she’d come apart beneath his tongue, the feeling of her pleasure washing over the bond directly to his cock. A groan escapes him as he tries to focus on the exercise he’s doing, as he works to get himself back into shape since he’d recovered from his injuries. A mission he’s going to fail if he keeps thinking about his bondmate coming on his tongue. 

“Fuck me,” he breathes, pushing himself harder and faster, his muscles moving more than they have in weeks.

“Well, I’m a bit preoccupied, but if you give me a minute I’d love to,” Rey’s voice says from somewhere behind him, and he nearly falls over as he looks back at her, shock filling him at having not noticed when the bond connected them. 

He can’t help the grin that parts his lips as he stops what he’s doing, and turns to sit down on the floor, propping his arms on his knees as he looks up to where the force has decided to position her on his bed. She’s wearing a simple tan tunic and leggings of a darker version of the color, her hair pulled back into a braid he knows she must’ve learned from his mother, and a pink flush on her cheeks. The sight of her fills him with relief, making his entire body feel as if it’s about to start shivering at any moment from the giddiness that always accompanies seeing her. “Hi.”

Brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, she leans back against the wall, and crosses her arms over her chest. “Hi,” she replies, then her eyes begin to wander down from his, washing all over the exposed skin of his upper body as he senses a sudden wave of arousal through the bond. “Don’t stop just ‘cause I’m here.”

“Are you telling me you liked that?” he asks, barely able to contain his laughter as he gets up off the floor and walks over to the bed, sitting down beside her. 

“I’ve… I’ve always liked watching you move,” she admits, then she puts a hand on his cheek, wiping away a stray bead of sweat that’s made its way down from his forehead. “And it was also just nice to see you after everything that happened today.”

A tiny laugh escapes him as he wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her onto his lap as she looks at him like he’s the sun, the exact same way he always looks at her. It’s moments like these where his breath escapes him, where he realizes that she really does love him just as much as he loves her, and the feeling he gets whenever he looks at her is very much mutual. His entire chest is heaving as he places a hand at the back of her neck, unsure what to say to her to convey how he’s feeling, until suddenly it comes to him. “It’s nice to see you, too.” 

“You should know, Finn kept our secret, he and Poe walked into the hangar together and he just gave me a nod,” she tells him, and he can feel her reaching out into the bond to test his reaction. “What happened earlier was just a scare.”

“Good, just remind me to take you deeper into the jungle next time,” he replies. “I think we need to pick a different tree.”

Snorting her laughter, Rey strokes his cheek with her thumb, then a soft sigh falls from her lips. “Or maybe we could just do it in the Falcon.”

“We could.”

Her smile grows wider, then she leans forward, her lips quickly finding his as his eyelids fall shut, and he returns her kiss, holding her close as he wraps his arms around her waist, and revels in the warmth of her body against his. As much fun as what they’d done earlier had been, there’s something about the simple pleasure of kissing her that he always finds himself getting lost in. Right now, all he wants to do is this--especially considering that the bond tends to cut them off at the most inconvenient moments--to just lose himself with her for as long as the bond will allow them to. 

Slowly but confidently, he leans back into his mattress, pulling her on top of him as the kiss grows deeper, but seems to promise to not go anywhere. One day, he knows he’d like for it to, in fact, he’d like to take it there with her someday soon, but the timing has to be right. He wants it to be perfect for them both, for them to not run the risk of being interrupted by the bond cutting off or one of their Resistance friends interrupting. This isn’t the night, but maybe if he’s careful, maybe if he plans it right…

A soft moan falls from Rey’s lips as his begin pressing gently against her neck, causing him to laugh as he kisses her again properly, putting all of his focus into the kiss that’s happening right here and now. He has all the time in the galaxy to worry about taking things further between them, there isn’t a rush anymore, not now that they’re so close to finally defeating the last of the First Order. For now, he’s going to kiss his bondmate as affectionately as he can, both of them melting into his mattress until the force eventually decides to cut them off.

For the first time since the bond had started connecting them, though, he finds that he doesn’t regret being cut off, and there’s still a smile on his face even as he leans back and stares up at his ceiling, and slowly lets himself fall asleep, comforted by the thought that someday soon, he’ll be holding her hand through the halls of the base. Maybe they’ll even be sharing a bunk or he’ll be allowed to formally share his father’s ship with her, and they’ll be able to wake up together every morning, not just the ones in which they think they can get away with it. 

Right now, his life is just as uncertain as it’s ever been, but for once in his thirty years, he’s found himself at ease with the conflict.


	11. Love will Find a Way

The days begin to pass without anyone bothering them. It would seem that Finn has actually warmed up to him enough to keep his word. Poe still gives him looks whenever he stands too close to Rey during a practice drill or while they’re working on mechanical stuff with their ships, but other than that, they’re allowed to live in relative peace.

A week after the incident in the jungle, Poe announces that the Resistance will soon be leaving on a mission to rid the last of the first order from the core planets. This news drives him and Rey closer together than they’ve ever been the night they receive it, and Ben realizes their lives, the love they share will soon be at risk. They will both soon be in peril, and he still has so much he wants to explore with her before they put their lives on the line again. 

It’s that night that he thinks back to the conversation he had with Finn and Rose just the week prior, when he’d learned about everything it was possible for people to do with one another, and he starts to consider asking Rey if she wants to take that next step with him. She’d loved what they’d done in the jungle, would she want to do anything beyond that with him? 

One night after dinner, the night before the mission is set to leave, he gets her alone in the Falcon cockpit. She’s adjusting some of the ship’s controls, her features twisted in concentration, and he takes in a deep breath as he looks at her, leaning against the doorway as he wipes grease off of his neck. He’s been working on fixing the electrical system on an x-wing under Rose’s instructions all afternoon, and now that he’s been dismissed, he has nothing to do but either watch his other half work or start the conversation about…

_ Fuck,  _ he’s nervous. Has he ever been this nervous? He’s having one of those moments where at any second, he thinks he might break out into a panic attack, but he can’t do that. Not right now. He needs to be brave like he was last week when they’d been in the jungle. He knows she’d liked that, he knows she’d come hard on his tongue, that she’d wanted more, but this is another step. This is both of them completely bared for the other, completely open and vulnerable, body and soul, and he doesn’t want to die tomorrow not knowing what it feels like to be completely  _ hers.  _

“I can feel you staring,” Rey says, setting down the wrench she’s using to fasten one of the levers in place. “What’s on your mind?”

Of course she’s asked him that. She can probably sense the turmoil taking over his thoughts, though unlike the old conflicts that used to haunt him, this one feels like it could actually end in something positive. A smirk blossoms on his face, and he tries to mimic the confidence he’d always seen in his father growing up, that manner of speaking that suggested he knew what he was doing more than he actually did. “Just admiring the view.”

A knowing hum leaves her, then she stands up, and sets a hand down on the pilot’s seat. “Admiring the view, hmm?” she asks, then she steps forward, and soon her other hand rests on his chest, feeling his heart pound beneath her palm. “And did you like what you saw?”

Chuckling softly, he steps forward, eyes drooping closed as he leans in, and kisses her slowly, gently, lips moving at a steady pace with hers as she returns it, arms wrapping around his shoulders to pull him close. Both of them are smiling, and already whatever panic began building within him is already dissipating. She makes him feel safe, even when it’s her rejection he’s afraid of, but as the kiss grows a little deeper, her tongue seeking access to his mouth while her back presses into the co-pilot’s seat. 

His lungs are starving of oxygen, but she feels like a breath of fresh air, and it hits him all over again how right this feels, how effortless it all is. Loving her is the easiest thing he’s ever done, and regardless of whether they’re going into battle tomorrow or not, he knows this moment, this precious bit of time between them is right. He’d want this no matter what the circumstances. 

Pulling away, he watches her breath catch in her throat as she realizes where his train of thought is going, and the corners of her mouth shift back into a smile. “You-you want this?”

“For a long time now,” he admits, then he rests a hand on her waist. “Are you sure you want it, too?”

She glances back at the windows of the Falcon, looking out over the rest of the hangar as if to make sure no one else can see them, then she looks at him, and nods. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Relieved laughter escapes him, then he’s kissing her again, joy flooding the connection between them as he feels her reach in the space between them, her nimble fingers undoing the belt at her waist before he hears the leather hit the floor, then she’s reaching for the bottom of his shirt. He breaks away from this second kiss to allow her to pull his shirt up and over his head, adrenaline spiking in his veins as he lifts his arms, then the shirt disappears, his hair falling into his face as he drops it to the floor with her belt. 

The woman in front of him giggles helplessly as her hands reach up, and caress his cheeks, both of them grinning like fools as they go in for another kiss. Her lips feel soft as they reunite with his, and he relishes in the feeling of each kiss they give each other as her hands begin to drift down from his face onto his chest, fingers hungrily exploring bare skin she’s only ever seen as his hands reach for the fabric draped over her shirt, untying it where it’s secured around her waist. 

Shivers race down his spine as he feels her nails scrape gently over the contours of his muscles, eliciting short, sharp gasps from him between each brush of their lips as the fabric pools at her feet, and he feels her kick it aside just before his arms wrap around her waist, and he lifts her up from the ground. Her legs come up to wrap around his hips, her hands clutching at his shoulders as he walks over to the pilot’s seat, and sits down with her in his lap.

Briefly, she breaks the kiss as she sinks down on her knees, her fingertips grazing gently over his cheeks as she moves her hands down to strip off her own shirt. His heart is beating impossibly fast as he watches. He’s never seen her like this. Sure, he’d seen what’s between her legs a week prior, but he’s never seen  _ this,  _ pure, uninterrupted, pale skin, and muscles that wind themselves smoothly beneath it. Her upper body is like his, smooth, completely barren of scars from healing that had taken away any physical trace of the pain she’d grown up with. 

Once upon a time, they had both been a map of scars, but now the only remnants of their painful history exist in their minds. Still, he shudders as he runs his fingers up her skin, watching as her chest--still bound by the fabric of the band she wears beneath her shirt--heaves under his stare. A fearful undercurrent begins to flow through the bond, and he looks up into her eyes with concern. “What is it?” he asks softly, wondering what could possibly be scaring Rey enough for her to start breathing like that. “What’s wrong?”

Swallowing nervously, Rey places her palms on his chest, and settles herself over his thighs, thumbs rubbing gently over his skin as she struggles to meet his gaze. “I love you so much,” she whispers, voice trembling as she speaks, then his eyes become hooded as she rests her forehead against his. “I’m just--I’m just--I’ve never--”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he whispers as her voice begins to rise in pitch, panic settling in, and he wraps his fingers around hers, sending waves of reassurance through the bond, then he brings her hands to his lips, kissing them both in turn. “I love you, too, you know that, right?”

“I know.”   


“Then you know that no matter what happens here, that’s not going to change, don’t you?” he asks, then she nods, pulling back from him slightly as he gives her a lop-sided grin. “Rey, I’m scared, too, but I want this--I want  _ you _ , and knowing how much you love me makes it a little less terrifying.” The words seem to put her at ease, but he can still sense hesitation within her, and so he pulls her into a warm and loving embrace, his hand coming up to caress the base of her skull as she buries her face in his neck. “Do you mind if I just hold you like this for a minute?”

She gives him a satisfied sounding moan, then he feels her rest a hand on his shoulder, returning the embrace as he rubs her back with one of his. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers, repeating the sentence again as he looks out the window, and prays that the people in the hangar below can’t see them. He doesn’t think they can. Usually, the glare from the lights around them prohibits anyone from seeing inside, so he continues holding her like that, hands gently moving up and down her back or stroking her hair as his lips plant tender little kisses on the side of her head. 

The feelings it brings them both are so soothing, he thinks he could stay there doing just that until they fall asleep, but he knows they have time to sleep later. Right now, all he wants to do is take that leap with her before he loses his courage, to know what it feels like to cement their bond in the most intimate way he knows is possible. 

Eventually, she pulls back, and his hands glide smoothly up her waist, reaching up until he finds the fabric that binds her chest, searching for where she’s tucked it in against her skin. She’s trembling in his arms as he finds it, tugging the fabric free before he begins to unwind it from her chest. “Is this okay?” he asks, pausing for a moment to sense in the bond if she still wants this. 

“I want this,” she whispers, smoothing back his hair. “I want  _ you _ . I told you that.”

Smirking, Ben unwinds the rest of the fabric from her chest, eyes locked on hers until the band falls to the floor, and his eyes fall with it. His breath catches as he sees her like this for the first time, and he finally understands why she was so flustered when she’d first seen him like this through their bond. Rey is gorgeous, her skin somehow still tanned in spite of having not seen the desert for many months now, and her breasts… they’re small, beautiful like the rest of her, pink nipples hardened from the chill of the room. 

It’s not that cold in here with clothes on, but without? It’s borderline frigid. Something tells him, though, that they’re about to change that. 

Slowly, his hands drift up from her waist, his palms dwarfing her chest as his eyes again meet hers, and a smile so impossibly subtle he’s certain she almost misses it blooms on his face. “Perfect,” he tells her, thumbs stroking over her nipples as he sighs. “Absolutely perfect.”

There’s a pink blush coating her cheeks as he begins rubbing circles into her skin with his thumbs. “It can’t be that great.”

“Rey, I’m probably as terrified as you are, so if I can make you comfortable, I think I’ll feel better as a result.”   


Laughter falls from her lips, then she gets up on her knees so that she’s looking down at him, and reaches down between them for the laces of her trousers. “That’s fair,” she replies, then she shifts back, and begins sliding them down her hips. Catching on to what she’s trying to do, he laughs nervously, and works on trying to help her, his breathing coming a little too fast as he watches her remove the last of her clothing, kicking them off with her boots, all of it clattering to the floor as she then straddles his lap again, completely bare of all clothing. 

His heart stops in his chest, or at least, he thinks it does. It sure feels like he no longer has a thought in his head, like everything has stopped working, paused just so his eyes have the space to take her in properly. He feels dizzy, like he might be about to faint, but then a thought pops into his head from the other day’s conversation, something Rose had told him about. 

The reason he’d gone down on her the other day instead of taking her to the floor then and there, was because he didn’t know if she had an implant or not, and before they go any further, he needs to know this, needs to be sure this isn’t going to start something they’re not ready for. As she reaches for the laces of his trousers, his fingers encase her wrists, and he stops her, but makes it clear in the bond it’s not because he doesn’t want her to do this. “Before we go any further, there’s something I need to ask you.”

Nodding eagerly, she brings her hands up to his cheeks. “Ask me anything.”

“I don’t want this to start something we’re not ready for. This is still so new, we’re nowhere near the subject of marriage, or babies, or--”

“Are you trying to ask me if I have an implant, Ben?” she asks, and though she’s smirking at him knowingly, there’s another crimson flush coloring her cheeks. “Because the answer is yes, I do.”

Relief floods the bond, then he laughs, hands coming up to encircle her waist. “Good, that’s uh… that’s good.”

Smiling down at him, Rey resumes her work at the laces of his trousers, and closes her eyes. “But I wouldn’t hate it if we started to talk about those things,” she admits, and he thinks he’s probably going to go into cardiac arrest. “Ben, you’re already half my soul, we’re connected in a more intimate way than we ever will be with other people, and I just… when we’re finally allowed to be out in the open, I want to marry you.”

Blinking at her, he feels his heart flutter in his chest, racing faster as he listens to her words, wondering if he’s hearing this right.  _ Did she just propose?  _ He’s going to pass out, he’s not going to make it. “You’d want that? With me?”

“I know I can’t exactly ask for your parents’ approval, but… I want to ask you for your hand someday,” she tells him, baring her soul as naked as her body currently is as she looks down at him, arms wrapping around his neck. “We’re a dyad, Ben, we may as well already be married in the eyes of the force.”

Somehow, he manages to nod, confirming to her that this is what he wants as he begins sliding his pants down his hips, freeing his erection before those join the rest of their clothes on the floor. Nerves are threatening to overtake him once they’re gone, once he kicks off his boots and the pile of fabric seems ready to overtake the pilot’s seat, but somehow it doesn’t, and he forces himself to stop thinking about it as his hand reaches between her legs. Remembering what Rose taught him again, he pulls her back in for another kiss, which she gasps into as his thumb begins to rub circles into her clit. 

Soft little moans escape them both, pleasure washing over the bond as she begins to grind herself against him, and one of his fingers begins skimming along the inside of her thighs, drifting up and up and up until it skims against her entrance. She’s wet already, and the realization of this sends chills down his spine, making him all the more determined not to mess this up. He wants it to be perfect for her, and so when he presses a finger inside of her and she sighs his name, he’s internally screaming in victory. 

Slowly, gently, he begins to press that finger in and out of her, the pleasure he feels from her in the bond making him think he could just sit here and do this forever, and a part of him wants to. Of course, a larger part of him, the part of him that came in here and kissed her in the first place, wants to keep going, and so he adds another finger, stretching her ever so slightly, only pausing briefly to make sure she’s alright before he picks up the pace. 

“Ben,” she whispers, her voice sounding like it had when she’d asked him if he wanted to talk about marriage, like he is something holy, something she loves, and he knows she loves him, but every time he hears it, his heart still soars. 

His fingers curl inside of her, and this time he’s the one who’s gasping as the sensation goes straight to his own groin. It feels incredible, and not for the first time, he’s grateful for their bond, for their ability to feel everything the other person is feeling. Every single moment of this echoes through the connection, and once again he’s starting to think he might come untouched. 

The feelings are so intense he can tell precisely when she starts to get close, and he rubs her clit a little faster, wanting to feel her come apart around his fingers--

She stops him, and his confusion makes itself known in their connection as he watches her hands reach down between them, air escaping his lungs as she grasps his cock in her hand. “Rey--”   


“I want you to come with me, if it’s possible. I want us to come together,” she says. “Or at least, I want us to try…”

His breath catches again, and he nods as he rests his hands on her hips, watching as she positions herself over his tip, and he has to hold his breath to keep from falling apart immediately as she slowly begins to sink down on him. Almost immediately, he knows he’s not going to last long, but he forces himself to try, he has to. He won’t be able to live with himself if he comes before she even starts to take him in properly, so he forces himself to focus as she takes him in inch by inch, slowly sheathing him inside of her until she reaches her limit, then they sit there like that for a moment, just taking one another in, and then she begins to move. 

It’s here and now that he finally understands what living is, because the way Rey begins to ride his cock, though a little timid, shy, and uncertain, is making him feel alive in ways he’s only come close to feeling with her. His hand is never going to compare to anything that happens here, never going to compare to the feeling of being completely surrounded by  _ her _ . 

“Oh, fuck,” she breathes as he begins to thrust his hips up into hers, both of them breathing hard as the pace increases, and he reaches between them to begin rubbing her clit with his thumb once more, applying a little more pressure than he had previously in his effort to get her to come first. 

He’s certain that once he feels her come, he’ll follow shortly after, he’ll stop holding himself back, and they’ll fall apart together, cementing their connection in a way that’s physical on top of what they already share between them in spirit. Every move she makes above him feels like a vow, and as her lips find his in the heat that’s risen between them, he finally begins to understand how inseparable they are. Nothing can part them now, not even death.

It’s warm in the cockpit, the friction between them causing the temperature to rise to the point where if his eyes weren’t closed, he’s positive he’d see steam fogging the windows of his father’s ship. He wonders what it looks like from the outside, if anyone can even tell there are people in here if they look down into the cockpit window. Can they be seen now? He doubts it. Did anyone even see them in the first place? 

He doesn’t know, he doesn’t care. Tomorrow they might lose everything, so tonight they need to make the most of it, and he likes to think they do, that as she kisses him, they’re living this night like it’s their last. 

Not long after that, he’s brought back to reality as he feels her come apart around him, gasping his name against his lips as their foreheads press together. As her bliss floods the bond, he feels himself finally lose control, and his jaw falls slack, his lungs struggling to find air as he comes inside of her, and lets himself forget about all the pain and suffering they endured to get here. 

Ben forgets about the year they spent trying to pretend that they didn’t care for each other and failing, forgets the battles they fought, forgets how he nearly lost her, and forgets that they have to hide this from the galaxy. He just melts into her, whispering her name over and over again as she holds him close, and they start to come down from their highs together.    


“I love you,” she whispers in his ear, and he almost wants to cry as he smiles, and places his palm against her cheek. 

He doesn’t say it back this time, but he thinks the thought in his head, and he knows she hears it, he can see it in the smile she gives him in return just before she kisses him again, and they melt into the heat of their own post-coital bliss. 


	12. Out

They hold each other in that seat until the room becomes cold, then she slips off of him, his come leaving a trail down the insides of her thighs as she walks into the back to retrieve blankets from the bunk. Neither of them feels quite like leaving the cockpit yet, and the fog is still coating the windows enough for them to huddle up in the pilot’s seat. 

Her absence, though, however brief, makes him mourn the loss of her warmth. Goosebumps prickle on his skin without her there, and for a few seconds, he contemplates curling in on himself, but then Rey’s there with a little piece of cloth and a blanket, and a smile blossoms on his face. “Hey,” he whispers as she holds the blanket behind herself, then curls up on his lap, spreading it over them both just before his arms wrap around her, and she pulls his head down so she can place a kiss on his forehead. 

“Hi,” she replies, then she kisses him, and though the sun has set, he feels a warmth light up his entire face as it heats. Soft little moans escape him like sighs, and though the kiss doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere, he still feels his heart thudding against his ribcage as he returns it, feeling more certain about their relationship than he ever has before. 

Throughout his life, he’s known a range of the feeling that is love. He loved his parents, loved his mother and father, and his heart breaks to think of what’s happened to them now. He’d thought he’d loved Snoke because Snoke had been the only one who hadn’t abandoned him, hadn’t thrown him aside, but then he later learned that all he’d been doing was manipulating him, telling him lies in order to use him like a puppet to take over the galaxy. 

With Rey, though, he feels love as he thinks he’s always been meant to. It makes him giddy, makes him feel years younger than he is, almost child-like with the sense of wonder it brings him. Simply thinking of her fills him with a joy he isn’t sure how to express, and he thinks that it might even defy the stuff of legend, that it transcends all written word of what it’s meant to be, and has become more than he ever thought it would. 

He’s finally found something he really, truly wants to fight for, something that takes the darkness in him and shines a light on it in a way he’s able to do the same for her. Every touch, every kiss, every second only confirms this more, only solidifies the bond. He finds himself waking up in the morning hoping for a moment like the one he’s in now, hoping that her soft lips will find his, that her body will press up against him seeking warmth and he can get lost in the feeling of her. She’s the first thought in his head when he wakes up and the last when he goes to sleep. 

Right now, in spite of the fear that comes with what will happen tomorrow, he’s the happiest he’s ever been. The future is bright, especially now that he knows she wants to start talking about marriage, about taking another step. She’s right, after all, they’re already part of a dyad, they have already been tied together in the force for more than a year, so what are they waiting for?

Pulling away from the kiss, Ben watches her eyes blink open, his fingers tracing circles around the ridges of her spine as he tries to find the words to say. “When you were saying you wanted to talk about getting married, did you mean that?”

“Of course I did,” she replies, one of her hands brushing back a piece of his hair from his forehead. “We can wait a while, though. Just until things calm down. I want my friends there, you know, when it happens?”   


That makes him a little nervous, admittedly. Her friends are still struggling to accept what’s between them, particularly Poe, and the idea of waiting for them isn’t exactly the most appealing. 

Luckily, the bond prevents them from hiding anything from each other, and so she picks up on his disease before he ever has to say anything, and tilts his chin up to look at her. “When we get back tomorrow, I want to tell them, damn what anyone else thinks,” she says, then she caresses his cheeks with both hands. “Ben, if they take it badly enough, we’ll fuck off to some outer rim planet where no one knows us, and do it there, but… If Poe or Finn, or any of them really care for me, they’ll accept it.”

“I can tell you Rose already does, she figured it out a couple of weeks ago,” he admits, then Rey smiles at him as she leans in for another kiss, letting it linger for a few seconds before she pulls back. 

“Then we shouldn’t wait.” Another kiss, then she plants one down by the line of his jaw, and another where it meets his neck. “The second we win… we’ll tell them.”

Nodding slowly, he beams at her even as she continues placing kisses on his neck, drifting all the way down to his collarbone before she places one at the corner of his mouth, and he pulls her back in for another fierce kiss before she can pull away. At first she’s surprised, but then she melts against him, her lips seizing his as he feels his heart start to race once more. He feels alive, like his body is a livewire and she’s just created a spark of electricity. 

His cock, which has just decided now is the time to recover from what they’d done a few minutes ago, begins to harden in his lap, causing a blush to spread on his cheeks. He knows she can feel it against her thigh, but as she deepens the kiss, her hand reaches down between them, fingers wrapping around it as he whimpers against her mouth.

Her name spills over from his lips effortlessly, spoken like a holy word, a prayer, and he thinks she might just kill him, that he might just die here and now before the final battle ever begins. The fingers closing gently around his erection as her tongue licks into his mouth, and he thinks his head is spinning so fast it might never recover. It almost feels as if he’s drunk, like he’s in some kind of haze, but it’s just Rey and the oxygen being stolen from his lungs. 

It’s the greatest feeling in the whole galaxy, and Ben wants to bathe in it. 

Slowly, she pulls back from his mouth, her lips pressing against his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, as her hand begins to stroke him a little more quickly. “ _ Fuck, _ ” he breathes, feeling as if he’d go weak at the knees if he were standing. 

Rey just laughs, and sucks a mark into his skin that he knows neither of them will bother to heal later. She’s marking him as hers for the whole galaxy to see. Anyone alive will see that mark resting high above the collar of any shirt, just beneath his jaw, visible if he tilts his head up. Rose will see it, so will Jannah, Finn, and scariest of all, Poe. They will all see everything, and they will know precisely who left it there. 

His heart swells with pride, and he feels as if he might tumble over the edge at any second as she swipes her thumb over his tip. Their connection hums with joy, pleasure, unspeakable delight at simply being alive, and he knows it won’t be long before he’s falling apart. “Rey-”

“Shhh,” she whispers against his neck, then her lips are making a trail back up to his. “Shh, Ben, it’s all right.”

“Rey,” he breathes, unable to say anything but her name, unable to think about anything but her face, her smile, and all of those little things he loves about her. “Rey…”

“Just come, Ben.” Her voice is breathy, like she’s losing control of it, too, but she manages, and between kisses, she keeps telling him to fall apart, the command growing more urgent as the seconds pass, and soon he can’t fight it anymore, his come spilling out onto his stomach as the wave that’s been building crests, and crashes out onto the shore.

Pure bliss fills the bond, and both of them sigh as they fall into that post-coital bliss, breathing heavily as they come down from the high they’d been riding. The buzz lasts a lot longer than he’d expected, his oxygen-starved brain making the world seem to erupt in color as he holds her close, hands stroking her hair as she looks down at him like he’s everything to her. It occurs to him that maybe, just maybe, he is, that he’s made enough of an impact on someone to make her want to hold him close to her heart. 

It takes him several seconds of her saying his name to blink himself from his stupor he’s so entranced, but eventually, he manages, and he raises his eyebrows. “What is it?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Laughing quietly, he shakes his head, knowing what he’s been thinking defies the confines of words. “Nothing, I just… I was wondering if you wanted a ring.”

She leans forward and kisses him, keeping it short, soft, and sweet, but full of emotions that immediately overwhelm the bond. “I just want you,” she says when it’s over, smiling at him as she pulls back. “But I won’t stop you if you want to get me something, so long as you know you’re all I need.”

“I know,” he replies, then he presses a kiss to her temple. “We don’t have long before we need to wake up, we should get some sleep.”

Sighing, she takes the corner of the blanket, and wipes his come off of his abdomen. “You’re right, but I’d really rather stay up with you than sleep.”

“If it’s any comfort to you, you’ll be in my arms.”

“And you’ll be in mine,” she says, then she stands, gripping his hand as her free one grasps the blanket. “Come on, this chair will give us both back pain if we sleep in it.”

More laughter falls from his lips, then he nods as he stands, and moves to follow her, both of them squeezing the other’s hand as they walk back into the bunk, and spend one last peaceful night together before they risk it all for what they hope is the last time.

*

It goes about as well as he hoped it would. Through the past few weeks without any leadership, the First Order has been floundering and all that’s left is enough for a small skirmish on a distant moon that eliminates the last of the government he’d once been in command of. He’d thought this would feel freeing, liberating, but as he destroys and takes life this time, it brings him no peace, he just feels suffering.

His only comfort is that he knows this will be the last time. 

Peace finds him on the journey home. He and Rey are piloting the Millenium Falcon, guiding her home as they hold hands, hyperspace blurring past them as they try not to fall asleep at the controls. They keep each other awake by asking a series of random questions, talking about all the things they have and have not done, and reminiscing on how foolish they’d been when they met. 

They manage to survive the hours the journey takes them, both of them still awake, but only just so as they pull out of hyperspace, and that’s when a nervous sort of excitement fills them. This is when they’re supposed to tell everyone what they have, what they are, and he’s nervous, remarkably nervous. 

“I think we can keep it simple,” Rey says, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand as they drift down toward the atmosphere of Ajan Kloss. “Maybe just a few words to Poe, maybe we start holding hands in front of everyone and answer questions accordingly. I don’t think we need to make a big announcement.”

“I don’t know. I plan on walking onto the base, taking you in my arms, and kissing you senseless. Maybe I’ll give Dameron the finger if he fives me shit for it.”

She laughs as she leans toward him, and gives him the smile that makes him think of sunrises and how they paint the sky. “I like that plan, but we’re going to have to talk to him eventually.” 

That’s true, but he doesn’t want it to be. A part of him just wants to skip town with her and run now, but he can’t. She cares about these people. They’re her friends, and he can’t ask her to do that for him. There are more people in the galaxy than just the two of them. They have to start telling people, they can’t just run from reality, not anymore. 

“I know,” he replies, then he lets go of her hand, and stares at the sky ahead as they break through the atmosphere, and it starts to turn blue. “Here we go.”

“Here we go,” she repeats, then they begin landing procedures, and the jungle spreads out beneath them like a thick, green sea, allowing them to glimpse the world they currently call home. The base is hundreds of miles away yet, but they’ll cross that distance in a matter of minutes, hopefully enough time for them to get their emotions together, and hopefully, enough time for him to gather his courage. 

*

The Falcon lands as smoothly as ever, which is to say it’s a little shaky and he can practically hear his father cursing in his ear as Chewie yells something unintelligible to anyone outside of the family. His heart is pounding in his ears just thinking about it. They should be with him now, he thinks, but his father is dead and Chewie… he’s been off with Lando for the last few weeks and they haven’t had the chance to talk. Maybe now they will. 

This is a time of change, the time for everything to truly, properly begin to heal. This is where he gets the chance to not only shed the past around himself and Rey, but to ensure everyone else that it’s gone, too. 

As the sounds of cheering and celebration erupt around them in the hangar, he feels his blood begin burning hot in his veins, his whole body feeling like it’s about to break out into a sweat. Feeling nerves take over, he reaches for her hand, and takes it in his as he seeks out that confidence, that bravery she always brings out in him. 

“It’s going to be okay, Ben,” she promises him, then she stands up, and climbs out of her seat, tugging on his hand until he follows her, and they’re both standing in the cockpit side by side, looking out at the aisle that will lead them back onto the base, out into the open where their secret will finally come into the light. “I promise.”

“I know,” he replies, then he feels a blush color his cheeks. “I just wanted to hold your hand.”

Resting her head on his shoulder, Rey takes his arm with her free hand, then she looks ahead at the corridor. “Let’s go.” And without another word, they begin walking out of the Falcon, and as the light of day reaches his eyes, he holds his breath, which makes him sufficiently dizzy as they walk down the ramp onto the base floor, but he doesn’t care. 

All around them, he can see people celebrating, jumping into others’ arms and hugging or kissing. Across the room--well, twenty five feet away by an x-wing--he can see Finn and Poe holding one another and whispering sweet nothings as they look into each other’s eyes in the exact same way he looks at Rey. As they pull apart, he sees the latter of the two look his way, and he feels like a porg in firelight as he looks at the General, but then he feels a tug on his hand, then he turns to look at Rey and suddenly he’s being kissed.

Her lips are cooler against his than usual, but he suspects it’s just because his body temperature is so fucking high, he might explode any minute now if he isn’t immediately bathed in ice from how fast his heart is beating. Still, she feels nice, like a soothing balm to a burn, something that immediately overwhelms him with joy, bliss, peace, and a thousand other emotions that make him feel like his world is right again. 

The hangar goes quiet around them as the seconds tick by, but he doesn’t care. Rey has threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling him close against her in a way that makes it difficult to escape, but he finds he doesn’t want to go. This feels  _ good _ , this feels  _ right,  _ and even though he can feel a million pairs of eyes on him, on them  _ both _ , it doesn’t lose its impact. 

His arm wraps around her waist, pulling her flush against him as he bends her back a little, forcing her to let go of his hand to hold onto his shoulder for support, both of them clutching one another as tightly as any of the other couples had been just seconds ago. Their lips move against one another a little more urgently now, and maybe this has gone a little far for public viewing, but he doesn’t care. They made it, they survived, they’re fucking  _ alive.  _

This kiss feels just as wonderful as their first; better even since he’s not injured this time around, and they’ve actually eradicated the last of the evil that is laying waste to the galaxy. Of course it feels good, of course he’s enjoying it, because on top of everything else, it also feels freeing, making him feel as if he’s been released from chains that have been dragging him down for weeks, like he’s normal, part of any ordinary couple that can love in the open. Like he’s--

A throat clears, and Rey pulls away, her eyes still blazing with heat as they look into his, and she sends one last wave of assurance through the bond.  _ It’s okay, _ he hears her say in his head, not sure if she managed to put the thought there or if it’s so strong in her gaze that he can see it in the hazel of her irises, but he believes it nonetheless. 

It’s okay. 

Slowly, they turn to face the rest of the hangar, and Ben’s still holding his fucking breath, but he lets it go when he sees the amusement on the faces of his comrades, and most prominently on the faces of Poe Dameron and Finn. The General steps forward, clapping his hands together as he laughs, then he nods slowly. “Sorry I cut you off, I was worried you’d starve yourselves of oxygen,” he says, then as Ben’s mouth begins to open and close like a fish, he sighs, and turns to everyone else, putting his hands on his hips. “Everyone, get back to what you were doing, there’s nothing to see here. Unless you want to see them get naked.”

Nervous laughter races through the room, but their fellow soldiers obey the command of their general, much to the delight and surprise of the dyad standing before them. “Poe, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Rey says, sounding about as nervous as he does as she reaches out for him. “I just--”

He holds up a hand, then he shakes his head. “I… I thought about this when I saw him making eyes at you a while back. He’s not the same man I knew, and I know you’d probably kick my ass if I tried to tell you what to do,” he says, then he swallows, as if he’s trying to hold back his own pride. “But I understand why you hid it; there’s some on this base who will probably still give you hell. At least, they’ll do it behind your backs.”

“So it’s fine?” Ben asks nervously, clutching Rey’s hand tightly as he speaks. “We don’t have to keep hiding it.”

“There wouldn’t be a point after…” He gestures vaguely between them. “That. No, you don’t have to hide, I’ll discipline anyone who gives you trouble, though, I don’t know how much longer we’ll be here now. I think some of us will have to help rebuild the government now that… this is over.” Then he gives them a nod, and steps back. “I’ll see you guys later.” 

“Thank you,” Rey replies as they watch him go, then she places a hand on Ben’s chest. “I told you it would be easy.”

“Shush,” he says in response, but he’s smiling, relief coursing through him as he yawns, exhaustion finally hitting him after the day’s events. “Now that’s done, do you want to maybe go to bed? We didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night.”

All she does is grin as she tugs on his hand, then she begins guiding them back toward the Falcon. “I’d like that.” Then together, they disappear into his family’s ship, sleep slowly taking them over as they raise the ramp back up, and close it off for the evening before they make their way to the bunks. 

He’s out before his head even hits the pillow, his last thoughts consumed by the feeling of Rey’s warm body pressed against his back as he drifts off into the land of dreams, finally free of everything that had been holding him down. 


	13. Hidden Away No More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end! Thanks to everyone who read, this is really more of an epilogue than anything else, the main plot was really concluded with the last chapter, but I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with this one at the time. See y'all later.

Walking into the commissary the next evening holding her hand is a weird, strange feeling that fills him with unspeakable joy. There are a few too many pairs of eyes on them, and he really wants to tell them all to fuck off, but as they sit at a back table with no one around, he finds he’s able to ignore them in favor of talking to her. 

It’s nice, he thinks, being able to finally just hold her out in the open, he even spares her a quick peck on the lips before they start eating, and no one gives him hell for it. The secret is out, well and truly out, and he’s impossibly relieved. 

The reality of it doesn’t hit him, though, until they’re walking into the Falcon to turn in for the night. He’s swaying their hands between them as if they’re children, feeling as if he could sing one of the songs his mother had taught him in his youth he’s so jubilant, but he manages to refrain from doing so. He hasn’t sung in years. He’d probably just embarrass himself. 

“Where do you want to live now?” Rey asks as he twirls her around, then he halts in his tracks. What does _that_ mean?

Worry filling him, he tries not to show his brief panic as he looks down at the woman he loves. “Huh?”

“Where should we go now that we’re done with all this?” She gestures around them, looking at all of the ship’s that could take them to a destination of anywhere before her eyes land on the Falcon. Relief fills him as he realizes what she means. She just wants to settle into a new life with him, to start over now that the war's done and fought, and neither of them wants a role in government. “I don’t just want to stay on Ajan Kloss for the rest of my life. We’re connected, we have a way of contacting our friends, we can go anywhere we want, and I want to settle somewhere and start making a life with you.”

Blinking at her in disbelief, he tries to process what she’s saying to him. She’s right, technically, they are free, free to do whatever they want and go wherever they please. There’s nothing holding them back. They’d only been staying on the Resistance base to help with the war effort, but now that it’s over… 

Unable to contain the smile that erupts on his face, he pulls her into his arms, lifting her up from the ground as she squeals in delight, then the room spins as he turns on his feet, and Rey shrieks laughter into his ear. When it’s over, he sets her down on the floor, and presses his forehead against hers. “I would be thrilled to start a life with you anywhere,” he says, then he leans in, his lips barely brushing against hers in a featherlight kiss before he bites his lip. “I know you like green, so… maybe I could take you to every green planet in the galaxy? At least until you find a new favorite color.”

A noise he doesn’t know how to describe escapes her as she kisses him again, lips a little more bruising this time as they meet his. Exhilaration and adrenaline pump through his blood. He feels awake and alert, like he could run for miles and never grow tired. “I’d love that.”

There’s a wonder in her eyes as he looks into them again, still swaying her side to side in his arms as he refuses to put her back down on the ground. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do if you asked. Now that we’re free… I want to run as far away from all of this as we possibly can, let’s just… take some time to be together, alone, and-and we’ll-”

“Ben, stop rambling, I’d love that,” she tells him, her arms looping around his neck. “I love _you_ , you’re my family now. Not Palpatine, not Skywalker, not anyone else I’ve ever met. Just you. You’re all I need. And maybe the porgs that have infested the Falcon. We can raise them and call them our children.”

Laughter erupts from them both, then he sets her down, his hands finding their way onto her hips. “You want to raise porg children?”

“You said we could do whatever I wanted. Maybe I’m fond of porgs.”

Laughter falls from his lips, then he nods. “Yeah, we can raise porgs,” he says. “As long as they don’t distract me…” Taking her hand in his, he pinches her ring finger between two of his. “From this.” 

Through the bond, he sends her the mental image of her hand with one of the rings in the collection his mother left on the Falcon. They’d talked about this last night, but now that they’ve survived the last of the war, he wants to make it official. He wants people to look at her and know she’s spoken for. 

“Ben, I already told you I want to marry you.”

“Yes, but I want you to wear my mother’s ring. I think… I think it’s what she would’ve wanted. She loved you, I know she did, and if she were here right now, she’d probably be pressuring me into doing this.”

“Then yes, I’ll wear your mother’s ring,” she tells him, then he grins, his smile full of overwhelming delight as it reaches his eyes, and he can feel the dimples form on his face. 

“Let’s go,” he says, then he pulls back, tugging on her hand before he guides them both toward the Falcon, their footsteps echoing through the mostly empty hangar as they rush forward up the ramp and into the ship’s depths, ready to formally begin their engagement, and officially commence the beginning of the rest of their lives together. 

*

They leave the next afternoon after they’ve had some time to say their goodbyes. They’re not leaving forever, they’ll be back, but they still owe everyone an explanation before they leave, and so they eat breakfast with Rose, Jannah, Finn, and Poe, telling them they’ll be in touch and that they’re going to see everything green that the galaxy has to offer. 

He’d thought he’d found peace when he’d first kissed Rey on Exegol. He’d thought he’d found it again when they’d started this relationship on Ajan Kloss. True peace, however, evaded him until the Falcon broke through the atmosphere, and headed out into hyperspace. That was when he finally felt like the last of a great weight had been lifted from his chest, as if he’d just been set free of some great burden that had held him in its clutches like the talons of a bird.

Now, Ben is free, and the stars are drifting past him in peace as Rey tells him a story about her time on Jakku, telling him about how much she used to yearn to touch the stars, but her parents had always held her back. He can tell through the bond that she feels free, too. She’s no longer bound by a cause, no longer fighting for some old order or an army, she’s just Rey. She’s _free._

“I used to daydream about all these far off planets, all these worlds?” She looks out at hyperspace in wonder. “I always wondered what they were like. I’d hear stories from people passing through the outpost and wish I could go there with them. The only thing stopping me was the fear that the second I left, my parents would come back for me.”

He winces at the mention of her parents, and so does she, sorrow washing over the bond as she looks down, and swallows back the lump he can all but feel forming in her throat. “I shouldn’t have told you that the way I did.”

“If I had heard it from anyone else, I think it somehow would’ve been worse. There’s no good way to hear your parents sold you into slavery, even if they thought they were doing it out of love,” she tells him. “And we were both fighting the worst of the darkness inside of us. There was no way to reveal that to me that wouldn’t have hurt.”

She’s right. He knows she is. It would’ve destroyed him to learn something like that. Hell, it _did_ destroy him to learn that they’d lied to him about his lineage, and later on it nearly killed him to learn that the voice inside his head that he’d thought tied him to the grandfather he was so attached to was just the emperor. He knows that sometimes there’s no way to reveal bad news. All that can be done most of the time is to brace oneself through the impact, and pray they pull on through to the other side. 

“I still… I regret so many things.”

“Ben, the one thing Kylo Ren was right about is sometimes you have to let the past go, let it die. Maybe we should move on,” she says, squeezing his hand, the deep blue, almost sapphire diamond on her ring finger glittering in the light as she runs her thumb over the skin of his knuckles. “But I still want to take your last name when we marry anyway. It’s nicer than mine.”

Snorting his amusement, he leans across the seats, and kisses her cheek. “You can have anything you want,” he says, a far cry from what he’d told her when they first met. _You know I can take whatever I want_. Words spoken by the man he once was, something he tries not to hate himself for, but now he’s turned them on their head. He is giving now, and he’ll only take from her again that which she is willing to give in return. 

“Good,” she replies, then she takes his face in her hands, and kisses him. “Rey Solo. There’s a nice ring to that.”

“I think so, too,” he whispers against her lips, then he kisses her again, leaning over her so that her back rests against the seat, lights flashing around them as she moans into his mouth, the sound shooting straight to his groin. 

“Ben…” It leaves her breathlessly, and he answers her with another soft, gentle kiss, sending his love for her over the bond as she gets up from the co-pilot’s seat while still kissing him, and straddles his lap. He doesn’t have time to process what’s happening before she has his face in his hands, and she’s starting to kiss him everywhere, her lips drifting down to his neck as he holds her tight. 

They break apart a second later, nervous laughter escaping both of them as they steal precious oxygen that they’ve been depriving each other of. “How long do we have until our first destination?” she asks, looking as if she wants to already be kissing him again.

“A few hours,” he replies, then he looks down at her lips. “So can you please kiss me again? I want to make up for all those hours where I could only dream of holding you.”

“I can.” Then her lips reunite with his, her body pressing up against him so that he feels like he’s covered in a warm, human blanket, one that sends him waves of affection and love, and makes him remember he’s not alone.

 _You’re not alone,_ she’d said the night they’d first bonded, and he now realizes just how true those words are. They weren’t alone, they’d never been alone. As long as the bond had been between them, they had been together in some sense of the word for what was probably their entire lives. 

They’re not alone, and they’ll never be alone again. They have each other and the porgs he can sometimes hear squaking in the halls of the ship. The thought brings a smile to his face as the ship sails on through the vast expanse of space, carrying them onwards into the next phase of their lives. All his focus then becomes poured into the kiss, into making sure Rey feels the warmth and comfort he’s been given from the revelation he’s just had.

Waves of reassurance fill him over the bond, and he’s sure she knows, he can feel her smiling against his lips as they melt into the pilot’s seat together, and drift on through hyperspace towards the greenest planet they can find. 


End file.
